Having Sex with a Narcissist

Communal vs. Agentic Sexuality

When it comes to sex, mates tend to enjoy sexual intimacy in two ways: communal and agentic. Communal sexuality comes with the mindset of making sure sex comes at a mutual reward towards all present. It is also seen as an act that is relationship enhancing. In contrast, someone who is agentic in their sexuality finds intercourse to be personally rewarding and for self pleasure.

The Line Between Agenticism and Narcissism

As you can imagine, there is a correlation between narcissism and agentic sexuality. People who would be categorized as narcissist (of course a narcissist wouldn’t admit to being a narcissist) would also score high in selfish love. The suspicion here is that a self-obsessed individual would view sexual partners as objects that satisfy needs for power and pleasure. Being looked upon as an object can only hurt when it comes to a relationship with another person.

Sex is usually a mechanism to bring people together, but when it comes to narcissism and using sex for personal gain can actually rip people apart. This mindset can also lead into actual sexual activities in isolation including watching porn while in a relationship. I’m guessing you can see how this can result into insecurity, shame, and much more detrimental emotions.

So What Can You Do?

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you may be asking what can you do so that your sex is more communal. One might think to withdraw sex from the selfish partner, but like I wrote above, a narcissist would probably find pleasure elsewhere. The other idea is to educate your self-absorbing partner into thinking more communal in relationship… if that’s even possible.