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The Opposite of Love Isn’t Hate, It’s Judgment
They say that the opposite of love is hate, but that isn’t true. One does not have to hate someone to not love them. There are people we walk by every day without a hateful bone in our body, but if we were to be asked if we love these strangers, we’d probably say no. The opposite of love is something that breeds hate as an effect, but we have to get deeper toward the cause. The opposite of love is judgment. It’s the judgment that we have towards a person or a situation that makes us hate.
Look no further than the most marginalized people in our society. I’m sure if I did a poll that asked, “Do you hate homeless people?”, the percentage of people who answered “Yes” would be relatively low. At the same time, there are plenty of opinions we have about the unhoused that create a barrier that stops us from showing any type of love. We don’t go near them because they are most likely mentally ill and we don’t want them to go “crazy” on us. We say that they must deserve their situation, or how else would they be on the street? They must have done something wrong and are now living through the karma of their decisions. The capitalist in us says that they just need to get a job. At the same time, would you hire someone off the street? These judgments only bring guilt and shame that homeless people spend years trying to swim out of. Yet when we judge as we walk by, we are only reinforcing the identification with their living situation. We could, instead, meet people where they are and give them the dignity they deserve as a human being. The opposite of this dignity doesn’t really sound like hatred.
We talked about self-love earlier in the book. Now that we have established that judgment is the opposite of love, we can easily say that the opposite of self-love is self-judgment. We typically think things like diet and exercise are tools for self-love and self-respect, but the intention is more important than the action. If you are “overweight” and are ashamed of your body image, diet is not a form of self-love. It is self-judgment. The best thing you can do is accept your body as it is. We’ve also talked about how external situations and material things aren’t going to fulfill any happiness because we are lacking something. We judge ourselves as insufficient and need these things to feel these perceived needs. Please mistake this as a self-improvement book. I’m not here to judge your lack. I’m here to make you aware of the Love you truly are.
Questions and Responses
Is judgment really the opposite of love?
Yes, judgment is the root cause that often leads to feelings like hate or indifference. We don’t always hate people we don’t love, but our judgments about them can create distance, barriers, and even resentment. Think about it—when we judge someone based on their circumstances, actions, or appearance, it stops us from showing love or compassion. By recognizing judgment as the opposite of love, we understand that love requires us to look past our preconceived notions and see the humanity in others.
How does judgment affect how we view marginalized people?
Judgment creates a disconnect between us and marginalized groups, such as the homeless. We may not actively hate them, but we carry stereotypes and assumptions—like thinking they’re dangerous, lazy, or deserve their situation. These judgments stop us from extending compassion or even basic dignity. Instead of seeing them as human beings, we focus on their situation and distance ourselves. This lack of empathy reinforces societal stigmas, making it harder for them to escape their struggles. It’s not hatred—it’s the absence of love and understanding.
How is judgment connected to self-love?
Just as judgment is the opposite of love for others, self-judgment is the opposite of self-love. When we judge ourselves—whether for our appearance, choices, or perceived failures—we create negative feelings like shame or inadequacy. True self-love isn’t about trying to “fix” yourself through diet or exercise if it comes from a place of judgment. Instead, it’s about accepting yourself as you are and making choices from a place of kindness and care, not guilt or shame.
Can self-improvement and self-love coexist?
Absolutely! Self-improvement can be a form of self-love, but it depends on your mindset. If you’re trying to improve yourself because you feel you’re not enough as you are, that’s self-judgment. But if you’re working on yourself because you want to grow, learn, and be the best version of yourself—without the pressure of being “perfect”—then it’s a form of self-love. It’s all about your intention. Self-love encourages growth, but without the judgment that says you’re not already worthy.
How can we stop judging ourselves and others?
It starts with awareness. Notice when judgment arises—whether it’s about yourself or someone else—and pause. Ask yourself why you’re judging. Often, judgment is based on societal expectations, personal insecurities, or fear. By acknowledging this, you can shift your mindset from judgment to understanding or compassion. Practice empathy for others and yourself. Remind yourself that everyone is doing the best they can with the circumstances they’re in, including you.
Why do we judge ourselves more harshly than others?
We’re often our own worst critics because we live with our inner thoughts, fears, and insecurities every day. Society also pressures us to look or act a certain way, and when we don’t meet those standards, we judge ourselves harshly. The trick is to realize that perfection is an illusion, and the constant judgment doesn’t serve us. Treating yourself with the same compassion you would offer to others can help break this cycle of self-criticism.
How does accepting our flaws relate to love?
Accepting your flaws is a key aspect of love—both for yourself and others. When you accept someone, including yourself, as they are, without judgment, you allow space for genuine connection and growth. It’s not about ignoring flaws but understanding that everyone has imperfections. By embracing them, you create an environment of love, where growth is possible without the weight of shame or judgment holding you back.