Sometimes our words don’t mean anything. There have been plenty of times when we may have heard kind words, but we didn’t believe them. It’s easy for a person to say something, and think something totally different. It’s probably the case that we hold more negative thoughts than negative words. How crazy is it to know that you might have more good deeds than you have good thoughts? We have to remember that if the words we say and the actions we do are our effects, then the thoughts we have are the cause. All we have to do is be mindful of what we think.
This is the hardest part of my growth because of my inclination to judge. To have loving thoughts is to have nonjudgmental observations of the story of our lives. How do you tell this to a person who is supposed to analyze marketing for 8 hours a day? Nonjudgmental observation requires radical acceptance of what is instead of judging things as good or bad. Why? Because the subjectivity of good and bad doesn’t exist. Releasing judgment is just so hard. Even when I know that my judgment does me no good, I feel a sense of empowerment when I separate myself from what I believe is harming me. This is the trick of the ego and requires warfare to break down these walls.
Amid this false empowerment, I’ve also come to learn that my unnecessary judgments create suffering for me. It was essentially the catalyst for this entire book when I really think about it. I have my own ideas and opinions. My value system is still in place. I have to realize that everyone isn’t going to think the same way. A difference in opinion doesn’t mean that I am right, and they are wrong. Not everyone is going to hold my well-being in high regard. My job is to accept what is and not dwell on the perceived injustice. It’s the only way that I can free myself from the negative self-talk.
Changing the Perception
The first step in changing a mind of judgment to a mind of love is first being aware of my judgments. It’s a battle inside my mind, no one’s safe from. My brain starts off with me making a judgment. When I am aware that I’ve made a subjective premise, I try to tell myself what I objectively experienced. I try to observe without the cloud of my opinion. When I make that change, my ego wants to fight back by justifying that I should be making the judgment because it’s not fair, or the person did really hurt me. This goes on for about 10 minutes until I’m just too tired to think about it, or something else happens. What I need to do is replace these thoughts of judgment with compassion. I need to overlay my opinions with thoughts of love. Loving thoughts that prioritize my own well-being. I don’t want my brain to be a constant battlefield. I also don’t want to judge other people and situations on meaningless standards. Just about all my opinions on anything have no bearing on life even if my ego wants to convince me otherwise.