Dating in the 21st century is really hard. I didn’t like the idea of online dating or dating apps. At the same time, it feels like you’re going to meet someone today, you’re going to have to do a little bit of swiping. I talk about this mostly to my bestie, but it also comes up in conversation with people I have dates with. Dating apps just seem so impersonal. To me, it feels like the world is at your fingertips. The issue is, if this person doesn’t meet your expectations on the very first date, it’s very easy to throw away that person and get back to the swipes..

It’s a complete numbers game. I’m happy that people are able to find love over these apps, but I don’t believe the percentages are large. It’s almost like seeing success stories of weight loss while cupping your bell fat. It also feels like love is only privileged to the beautiful. If you do well on dating apps, it’s probably because you fit the prototypical skinny, fit person who enjoys hikes and trying new food. Sometimes I feel like people only travel so they can fill out their dating profile. If you’re not lucky enough to have this persona, how can you find more success on dating apps?

The Answer is Not What You Think

If you were looking for tips on how to better update your profile, I have nothing for you. By the end of this post, I hope I actually convince you enough to remove yourself from these apps. The problem with dating apps is that it doesn’t give you enough time to get to learn about someone over time outside of the texting on your phone. Getting to know someone needs the context of seeing them in real life situations, not just dates. Before dating apps, romantic relationships happened in the circle that you were in. People fell in love at school, at work, and their place of worship. The one of the negative consequences of dating apps is the fact people don’t go out and do their own thing. They rely on apps to set their weekend. When was the last time you joined a hobby club? I can’t judge because I’m a victim of it as well.

If you want to truly get to know someone, it’s going to take time. You can’t know everything on the first date. It’s very weird that we use these dates as interviews. A place we are using to make an impression that may, or may not be genuine. It leaves no room for error. You essentially have to have a perfect date to warrant another one because it’s just so easy to throw away that person for someone potentially better. We don’t even know each other so it’s easy to leave. No harm, no foul.

Dating apps allows us to dehumanize people. I really don’t want to be a part of this culture, yet feel like I have no choice. In order for us to find love, we have to get out of this mindset that we need more 1-on-1s. We don’t even like doing this with our managers. Dating shouldn’t be an interview. We need social settings in which we can have fun with other people, while also having our eye on that special someone. I don’t think we can do that by putting our relationships in the silo of a matched chat.