The funny part about our judgments is that most don’t come from us. Many of our opinions are inherent in our culture. Before we could think for ourselves, we had years of people telling others what they should value. We learn from other people what to accept and what to reject. This is called culture. When we talk about regional or even company culture, we typically talk about whether you agree with everyone else in proximity to us. As a result, we learn what’s good and bad based on rewards and punishment through the media and different religious traditions and national identities. By the time we can form our own opinions, other judgments will already be handed to us. We don’t call them opinions, though. We like to call them preferences, values, and standards. They are all the same.

The detrimental part of cultural norms is that we internalize more negativity than the more positive aspects of culture. Throughout our school career, we visualize what it means to be successful and try to stick to the script given to us to find this success, fearing failure. We close ourselves off in meetings because we are afraid to show emotion. All of these preconceived notions only cause a dichotomy of us versus them. I studied and got my MBA, which made me successful. The person on the corner can do it if I can. They aren’t living up to their potential. My perceived success is the perfect example of blaming someone for their lack of success. We start to see how these cultural norms easily turn into personal attacks. It’s a hard habit to kick because we believe that popular opinions are universally correct when this is not the case at all.

What is the Truth?

There is no such thing as objectivity. Everyone lives a subjective life with different experiences, and no one experience can be compared to another. We even consider statistics a universal truth when there’s no such thing as 100%. There will be no case where a research paper will say 100% are the same. Yet, when we read a report that says 70% of people do this or that, it’s good enough to generalize everyone. These popular opinions are then reinforced by the advertisements we see and the algorithm curating our social media. If everyone agrees, then it must be true. That’s the point. There is no such thing as truth, only agreements we’ve made. We all had to agree that 1 + 1 = 2 for it to be true. And so we judge each other on our differences because we think we are the ones who are “right.”

Safety in Numbers

We accept our culture’s judgments because of the fear of ostracization. Even if we don’t agree with the culture, we will still uphold its tenets because we are afraid to be alone. The herd protects us. To be a part of a group, we have to adopt the group’s values. One can’t simply go to work, get their work done, and go home. No, to be a part of the corporation, you must act within the rules and regulations of its culture. As a result, we mock what our peers mock, we fear what our peers fear, and we reject what our peers reject. We don’t judge because of thoughtful intention. We judge because the judgment of those who are not like us has the incentive of safety.

Cultural conditioning prevents us from seeing who we truly are. Everyone tends to see through the lens of stereotypes, even if they refuse to admit it. We shame parts of ourselves that others find offensive, suppress desires that may not align with high standards, and look down on those who fall outside of the group’s story to ensure that we aren’t seen as less than. Only the culture can tell us what enough looks like. It turns out that we consistently fail to reach this definition.

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