From the beginning of time, people have been trying to understand why we suffer. Pain is a very uncomfortable state of being that we all want to escape. What if the idea of escape is the very thing that makes us suffer? If everything is all a part of the whole, then what is there to escape from? When we feel pain, our minds believe that we are excluded from life, especially when we go through our bouts of shame, guilt, and grief. Guilt from loneliness tells us that we don’t belong and that we aren’t loved. As a result, we seek the opposite of this feeling, which paradoxically draws us even deeper into the depths. At some point, I hope we come to understand that nothing is inherently wrong, and clinging to the idea that something is wrong is the reason we experience our issues.

Suffering can be easily defined as the friction between what is true and what is not true. It’s the friction between how life is and how we want life to be. If we are aware of this cause, we can’t stop the suffering in its tracks. Yes, it may be true that you went through a breakup, but the belief that you need a significant other to prove your value isn’t true. This belief is what’s causing your suffering. We’ve been led to believe that suffering is a punishment for our actions, but it isn’t. Suffering is the trigger that lets us know we are holding onto something that isn’t true. Suffering is a signal that tells us our thoughts are not in harmony with the whole. By understanding this, we should learn to stop treating suffering as an enemy but rather as a teacher.

The reason we tend not to see it this way is that we treat life like a transaction. Because we only see life as cause and effect, we believe that providing an action guarantees just compensation. We have some cosmic bank account guarantees of success simply because we put effort into it. When something goes wrong, it’s not the event that causes suffering, but our attachment to the belief that this shouldn’t be happening because I followed all the prescribed rules for a successful outcome.

The suffering then occurs because we argue with reality. After all, the situation we find ourselves in isn’t fair. It isn’t fair because we believe that morality and effort create an indestructible shield against hardship. We infer that because we are good people and because we work hard, we will never suffer. When something inevitably happens, we feel betrayed and experience a sense of injustice. Again, the suffering has nothing to do with the outside, but rather with the internal chatter of thoughts that say this situation is fundamentally wrong and that we should not be experiencing it. With this intention, we define suffering as energy wasted trying to enforce a moral rule that never existed.

The wasted energy doesn’t stop at a sense of injustice. It also creates a new belief about our self-worth. Any setback seems to be a reflection of our unworthiness. When we fail, the first reason that often comes to mind is that we didn’t try hard enough. We were the reason for the failure. Many people spend days crying over a bad breakup, trying to find ways they could have been a better spouse. This only leads to self-blame, shame, and a sense of hopelessness. Our brains are limited to seeing the multiple variables that come into play when it comes to a situation, so I guess it’s just easier to blame ourselves.

The antithesis is to treat suffering as the tool that allows us to break the image of what we want life to be. If we don’t recognize this, we will be hurt perpetually. If we try to escape from the things that bring us discomfort, we will always be uncomfortable. The only way to end this suffering is to meet it where it is. It’s a nudge that tells us it’s time to pay attention to the things we’re trying to avoid. The amusing thing about suffering is that it doesn’t shatter our reality as we perceive it; it shatters the image of what we think our reality is. All we have to do is decide whether the thoughts we are thinking to cause our suffering aren’t true. Yes, it’s that simple.

Suffering also provides a social role, much like our flaws. It allows us to connect through compassion. We are not truly able to see the struggles of others until we experience them ourselves. When we are hurt, we also see the hurt of others, and this collective suffering softens us to judgment. I can no longer judge the person on the street if I’ve struggled financially due to circumstances that were beyond my control. It wasn’t simply about getting a job. We start to see the people who tend to annoy us in a new light.

When I became honest about my past actions, I began to see those same actions reflected in others. Talking to someone who tends to be judgmental no longer bothers me because I know I am also judgmental, even if it’s a trait that I’m working on. I can’t look at people without seeing myself, and thus, grace occurs. Without my suffering, I know that I could see these same people with the perception that I am better than them because of their judgmental mindset.

It’s easy to see that suffering doesn’t exclude us from perfection, but it’s a nudge that tries to guide us back to it. Suffering is not the opposite of peace, but rather an angel guiding us to peace because we have strayed from perceiving our true nature. Our pathway back to peace begins with nonresistance to what is real. It tells us, just like all things in life, that this too shall pass.

The pain is real, but our suffering doesn’t have to be because we only suffer when we identify with the pain. Suffering isn’t failing. The pain of failing is real. Suffering is the continued belief that one is a failure. Death doesn’t cause suffering. The silly belief that we will live forever does. This is the difference. Once we realize that we are indeed perfect, the belief of being a failure disappears, along with the suffering associated with it.

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