Vulnerability isn’t shared, especially in the workplace, because it destroys power dynamics. Hierarchies can’t survive in organizations that choose to bring their whole selves to work. The same hidden insecurities that people are afraid to express are the same insecurities that create levels of superiority and inferiority. If I acknowledge my flaws, I can’t simultaneously claim to be better than you. At the same time, I will easily call out your flaws as confirmation of my superiority. This is the dynamic between workers. There is a divide between people who believe they can do everything better than anyone and those who believe they are not enough. The remedy is quite simple. The ability to express our flaws without apology or shame disrupts hierarchy. It will also disrupt the safety of those who stand to benefit from this hierarchy, and so we stay in these patterns.

I’ve been in situations where the manager is perceived as perfect, or is expected to be perfect, even when making mistakes. This “perfect” manager believes that leadership is synonymous with infallibility. This is essentially how we approach all roles of authority. To admit a mistake or a flaw is to show a crack in their foundation, causing their entire sense of authority to erode. Their sense of authority, as such, doesn’t necessarily stem from confidence in their work, but rather from insecurity. It has taken some time to realize that the actions of the “perfect” manager rarely stem from malice.

Imposter Syndrome

A bout of imposter syndrome is typically the reason why some managers feel the need to be perfect. They may have been promoted because of how well they’ve aligned with the company culture, but are actually not qualified for their new role. If they believe they are not qualified for their role, any mistake would cause their team to see them as a fraud. This also means a loss of respect. As a result, the need to be perfect is a defense mechanism to hide perceived inadequacy.

It is also possible that the manager views a mistake as a complete failure. They see themselves as highly capable and have placed their identity in being the smartest person in the room. Their entire professional career has become who they are, and so a flaw in their work is also seen as a flaw in their character. This person may have also been in toxic environments where mistakes are severely punished, whether it be formal discipline or social repercussions. The manager is then conditioned to believe that admitting fault would lead to demotion or termination at the very least.

Projecting Perfection on Everyone Else

Because the manager is unable to admit their flaws, the need for perfection is not just a rule for themselves; it’s projected onto the rest of the team. A common symptom of imposter syndrome is blame deflection. When mistakes are made or deadlines are missed, external events are often blamed. Instead of the manager being vulnerable and taking responsibility for their role, it’s more common to hear how another person or another team has made the mistakes that resulted in the failure.

Micromanagement is another tool that the perfect manager uses. The manager tends to believe that their way is the only viable way. To ensure that their team performs in a manner consistent with their standards, the manager provides ongoing oversight to ensure effective execution. Instead of controlling the outcome, this manager controls every single step in the process to make sure everything is to their liking.

Please No Questions

This type of manager never admits ignorance. They make sure they have an answer to everything, even if they aren’t quite sure what’s being answered. The answer is mixed in with corporate jargon to create a smokescreen, catching the questioner off guard. Perhaps the more jargon that is used, the more believable the answer becomes. It may even come to the point that the manager shuts off questions that simultaneously shut down the questioner’s curiosity and some collaborative problem-solving. This is how it’s always been done.

Speaking of questioning, the perfect manager typically shuts down any questions that come from a dissenting opinion. A subordinate pointing out a flaw in a plan is often perceived as unhelpful. It’s seen as negative. Because the subordinate isn’t confident in the plan, the subordinate is no longer seen as a “team player.” Ironically, the perfect manager essentially silences the very person who could be spotting a mistake from the very beginning of the project. When a flawed project does come to fruition through the heroic performance of the team, the perfect manager frames the outcome as proof of a brilliant vision from the start. It will be easy for them to take credit for the success, but share none of the responsibility for the struggles endured along the way.

The Damage of the Perfect Manager

I say all this to emphasize that the perfect manager can actually do more harm than good by damaging the connection shared by the team. The reign of the perfect manager diminishes the psychological safety of the team. No one will be willing to take a risk, propose a creative idea, or admit a mistake. The team knows that if any one of them fails, they will not receive the support of their manager. This leads to a culture of fear.

In a culture of fear, trust disintegrates. A team cannot trust a leader who is unable to take accountability. The team becomes disengaged, only doing what is asked of them and nothing more. Their loyalty goes to their paycheck. The mission of a mission-based organization means nothing if they believe the people they are supposed to perceive as leaders don’t have their back. High performers won’t tolerate this environment and are often the first to leave. They will leave for leaders who empower them, trust their expertise, and treat them as collaborators.

The Vulnerable Manager

The ultimate paradox of the perfect leader is that their desperate attempt to command respect through infallibility makes them impossible to respect. The antidote to the perfect manager is the vulnerable manager. The vulnerable manager knows that leadership doesn’t come from authority and power, but from authenticity and trust. It might be ironic, but this leader builds trust by admitting fault and saying that they made a mistake. “I made a mistake” may be the most powerful phrase in relationship building when it comes to power dynamics. This manager knows that it’s okay to say that they don’t know and becomes a helping hand in trying to find the answer. They are also not afraid to ask for help themselves when needed. Doing so shows respect for the employee’s skills and reinforces that success is a shared accomplishment.

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