Your cart is currently empty!
Why Hiding Your Feelings Could Be Hurting You
I hide my feelings. I’m sure the biggest place I hide who I am is at work, where everything is supposed to be positive. The toxic positivity of my work culture puts me in a tight bind because it makes it hard for me to express my true self in fear of being called a wet blanket. This is what I call emotional suppression.
Why Am I Afraid to Show My Feelings?
One of the main reasons why I don’t authentically express my feelings is because emotions are a form of weakness in my culture. Men probably get the brunt of this with the whole “boys don’t cry” thing. Strong emotions put me in a vulnerable place, and I typically try to avoid vulnerability at all costs. One common criticism of being emotional is having others judge that I cannot handle emotions at all. Fear of judgment causes me to hide any type of negative emotion, even if it were to be beneficial. There might also be the fear that my emotions will be used against me.
There are many reasons why people suppress emotions. It can be to avoid a potent or explosive feeling that is deemed socially unacceptable, or to replace an uncomfortable feeling with a more acceptable one.
Just like my last posts and many posts before, I emphasize that I am a social creature. There is a fear that showing negative emotions can hurt relationships. I can easily see that in my romantic relationships, at least when they get started. If my date does or says something that annoys me, there could be a tendency to hide my annoyance. What happens if I call her out? Could she meet my negative emotion with another emotion, thus causing conflict? Typically, the answer to this question is yes, but fear in this scenario means that I don’t trust myself to handle conflict productively. I may not also trust the other person to handle my emotions productively, either.
The last reason why I don’t show emotions hits close to home. It felt like I wasn’t allowed to show emotion growing up. I had sisters that would annoy and bother me. I was told that I shouldn’t let it bother me whenever I would express my dissatisfaction with how my sisters were treating me. In other words, I wasn’t allowed to have any negative reaction. I think people see me as cool and collected, but when I feel a bit of injustice, I am afraid to say anything. Until, of course, the negative emotion starts to boil up.
How Does Emotional Suppression Affect Me?
Like it or not, emotion is crucial to communication. It’s the biggest reason why those weird texts don’t come across as jokes until I put a smiley face emoji. Navigating conflict through communication can be tough when I am not allowed to show emotion. Pent-up frustrations lead to then avoiding the person who triggers these emotions in me, thus losing that relationship. Believe me, I know.
Just because I avoid emotions in a public setting doesn’t mean the emotions will go away. Suppression intensifies them. Everyone who has dealt with anger knows this to be true. I am not allowed to be angry, so I hide it. This means I don’t address the anger, so it boils until I hear it like my morning tea. It’s more likely the case that I don’t even blow up at the person responsible for the anger.
Let’s be real. I can’t even hide my emotions well. People who truly care about me know when something is wrong. If I were to tell someone I love that everything is okay when it is not, I may hurt them from a lack of trust in sharing my emotions.
What Should I Do Instead?
The first thing to do is accept my feelings as they are. I don’t have to express the emotion immediately, but I must acknowledge how I feel about any situation. If I am angry, it’s probably not best to blow up in someone’s face. It would be a good idea to reflect on why I feel anger. Sitting with the emotion allows me to better understand it.
Once I’ve sat with my feelings, it’s best to then share them honestly. There are ways to share negative feelings without being rude. The best way is to use “I” statements so it doesn’t feel like I am reflecting my emotions onto other people.
There’s nothing wrong with holding my cards on occasion. Not everyone should have the privilege of seeing how I feel. Sometimes, it’s the best option I have. It truly depends on the intention I have to hide my emotions. If I am hiding my true self because I am afraid of how someone else will react, I am going down a very unhealthy path. Not only am I not being true to others, I’m not being true to myself.
Questions and Responses
What is emotional suppression?
Emotional suppression is the act of hiding or ignoring one’s true feelings. People may suppress emotions, especially negative ones, to avoid conflict or because they believe showing emotions is a sign of weakness. While it may seem easier short term, long-term suppression can lead to increased stress and impact relationships.
Why do people suppress their emotions at work?
Work environments that emphasize positivity, often called “toxic positivity,” can make it difficult for employees to show their true emotions. Fear of judgment, being labeled as negative, or concerns about harming professional relationships often drive people to hide their feelings.
How does emotional suppression impact personal relationships?
Suppressing emotions can create distance in relationships, as people may avoid expressing needs or addressing issues. This can lead to misunderstandings, unresolved tension, and even the loss of trust if the other person feels shut out. Over time, this may weaken emotional bonds.
Can hiding emotions affect mental health?
Yes. Constantly suppressing emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. When emotions are unaddressed, they tend to build up, making it harder to manage stress. Suppression can also affect physical health, contributing to headaches, digestive issues, and other symptoms related to chronic stress.
How can suppressed emotions impact communication?
Emotion is an essential part of clear communication. Without it, messages can come across as unclear or inauthentic. Suppressed emotions may also lead to misunderstandings, as people might avoid difficult conversations, making it challenging to resolve conflicts effectively.
How can I express emotions at work without appearing negative?
It’s possible to express feelings professionally by focusing on solutions and framing statements constructively. For example, instead of saying, “This situation makes me angry,” you could say, “I’m concerned about this issue, and I’d like to discuss potential improvements.”
Is it okay to keep emotions private in some situations?
Yes, selectively keeping emotions private can be healthy, especially if sharing doesn’t serve a positive purpose or if you’re unsure how to process the feelings yet. However, this choice mustn’t be based on fear of judgment or feeling unable to express yourself.
What role does past experience play in emotional suppression?
Past experiences often shape how comfortable we feel expressing emotions. People who grew up in environments where emotions were discouraged or dismissed might suppress them as adults. Reflecting on these influences can help in understanding and overcoming emotional suppression patterns.
How can I become more comfortable with vulnerability?
Start small by sharing minor feelings with trusted people to build confidence. As you grow more comfortable, it becomes easier to be vulnerable. Practicing self-compassion can also help, as vulnerability often feels easier when we’re kind to ourselves.
What are some signs that emotional suppression is affecting me negatively?
Signs include chronic stress, feeling emotionally distant, increased irritability, trouble focusing, and physical symptoms like headaches. If emotions feel overwhelming or unresolved, it may be beneficial to seek support through therapy or counseling.
How can emotional suppression harm workplace relationships?
Suppressed emotions can lead to frustration and misunderstandings with colleagues. If conflicts go unresolved, they may strain relationships and impact teamwork. Authenticity and open communication help build trust, which is essential in any collaborative environment.
What’s the role of “I” statements in emotional expression?
“I” statements help express emotions without blaming others, making it easier to communicate feelings constructively. For example, saying, “I feel frustrated because of the workload” is more productive than “You’re giving me too much work,” as it focuses on your feelings rather than assigning fault.
Comments
One response to “Why Hiding Your Feelings Could Be Hurting You”
[…] don’t think I need to write too much in this section. You can check out one of my many articles on the issues that come with suppressing emotion. The main issue with suppressing emotion is that it brings on stress in both the body and the mind. […]