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What Does True Love Actually Mean?
They say that being lonely is as unhealthy as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. That doesn’t mean that all relationships are healthy. I can argue that being in an unhealthy relationship is more detrimental to our health than being alone. With that being said, the quality of our relationships is what makes life worth living. Our togetherness brings us the love and joy needed to thrive.
To love unconditionally is to accept unconditionally. This means to remove any sense of obligation and expectation from another person. I only refer to love as an emotional state that involves affection and intimacy, but true love is much more than that. I shouldn’t love someone because of how someone makes me feel or what I can get from that person. These conditions only enslave a person my desires. True love is accepting everything regardless of our judgments and preconceived notions of how things should be.
True love is neither physical nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
True love is caring for another’s well-being regardless of whether I understand the person or the situation. An example of this type of love can be seen in loving parents such as Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union, who consistently accept their daughter’s transition, Zaya. So much so that they moved from their home in Miami due to anti-trans laws simmering in Florida. I don’t know Dwayne or Gabrielle, but I’m sure they don’t know how Zaya feels about her identity. The beautiful thing about this love is that they don’t need to understand. It’s the radical acceptance of all situations, even if I don’t believe the situation is not for our good. Something that I’m continually learning to do. Seeking to live through observation without judgment.
To love someone is to accept them. This goes for people, but it also goes for myself. For me to practice self-love, I must practice self-acceptance. Acceptance of the things that normally bring me shame, like my sexuality, my body, my past, my mental health, and all the other things I know that I am failing to use as an example. When I learn not to judge myself, I can easily project that energy toward others. I don’t have to agree with everything they say or do, but you can love them regardless. I don’t need to change who I am to belong, nor does anyone else for me to love them. This is the only way my love can come without exceptions.
True love with the practice of acceptance is hard for me because it forces me to relinquish control of an unpredictable world. I wish I could tell myself that this type of love is instant, but in my experience, it hasn’t been. There are instances where I have an opinion, and I must remind myself that I accept this as I accept myself. I love this experience even if I believe this experience isn’t what I desire. If I disagree, I must remember that my opinions mean nothing.
Questions and Responses
What does it mean to love unconditionally?
Loving unconditionally means accepting someone without expecting anything in return, including emotional rewards. It involves caring about a person’s well-being regardless of how they act, what they say, or whether they meet your expectations. True love is about removing the need to control others and embracing them as they are, even when life is messy or unpredictable.
Can being in an unhealthy relationship be worse than being alone?
Yes. While loneliness can be as harmful as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, staying in an unhealthy relationship can cause even more harm. Toxic relationships may affect mental and physical health by fostering stress, anxiety, and emotional distress. In contrast, solitude can offer healing and self-growth when experienced with self-acceptance.
Why is self-acceptance important in practicing love?
Self-acceptance is the foundation of unconditional love. If we can’t accept ourselves—our flaws, past mistakes, or insecurities—we’re more likely to project judgment onto others. When you embrace who you are, you free yourself from shame and can extend the same kindness and compassion to others, making it easier to love without conditions.
How does judgment interfere with love?
Judgment places conditions on love. When we judge others or ourselves, we create expectations for how things “should” be. True love requires us to let go of these judgments and embrace life and people as they are—even when they don’t align with our desires. This shift from judgment to acceptance allows love to thrive, regardless of disagreements or personal opinions.
Is unconditional love something that happens instantly?
No, unconditional love is a continuous practice rather than an immediate state. It requires patience, mindfulness, and self-reflection. You may still have opinions, frustrations, or disagreements, but the key is to remind yourself to accept things as they are. Over time, practicing acceptance—even when it feels difficult—creates space for love to flourish.
How can I practice self-love when I feel shame about certain parts of myself?
Practicing self-love starts with self-acceptance. Recognize that every part of you—your body, sexuality, mental health, and past—is worthy of compassion. Instead of hiding or rejecting these aspects, observe them without judgment. The more you accept yourself as you are, the more naturally love will flow toward yourself and others.
Do I need to agree with someone to love them?
No. Loving someone doesn’t require agreement or endorsement of their actions or beliefs. Love transcends differences by focusing on the person’s inherent worth rather than their behaviors. You can disagree without withdrawing love by embracing the idea that everyone, including yourself, is on their own journey.
What if I struggle with control and expectations in relationships?
It’s normal to struggle with control and expectations because they give a sense of security in an uncertain world. However, love grows when you release these desires. The practice of love invites you to sit with discomfort, accepting things as they are without trying to change them. Over time, you’ll find that surrendering control leads to deeper connection and peace.
Why do relationships make life worth living?
Healthy relationships provide connection, joy, and support, which are essential for emotional well-being. They give us a sense of belonging and allow us to experience love in its many forms—whether through friends, family, or romantic partners. When relationships are built on acceptance and authenticity, they become a source of meaning and fulfillment.
How can I shift from judgment to observation without expectations?
To move from judgment to observation, try adopting a mindset of curiosity. Rather than labeling experiences as good or bad, practice simply noticing them. For example, if someone behaves in a way you don’t understand, observe without attaching meaning to it. The more you cultivate this habit, the easier it becomes to accept things—and people—as they are.
Does self-acceptance mean I can’t change or improve myself?
Not at all! Self-acceptance isn’t about staying the same but about embracing who you are in the present moment. From a place of acceptance, personal growth becomes a journey of self-discovery rather than a battle against self-criticism. When you accept yourself, any change you make comes from love, not from shame or societal pressure.
Can unconditional love still involve setting boundaries?
Yes, unconditional love includes healthy boundaries. Boundaries ensure your well-being while maintaining respect for others. They’re not about controlling people but about being clear about what you need to feel safe and respected. Setting boundaries allows you to love authentically without losing yourself in the process.
How do I know if a relationship is healthy?
A healthy relationship is marked by mutual respect, trust, open communication, and acceptance. Both individuals feel valued and free to be themselves without fear of judgment. If a relationship consistently drains you or forces you to compromise your values or mental health, it might be time to reassess its impact on your well-being.
What’s the connection between love, acceptance, and joy?
Joy naturally arises when love and acceptance are present. When you love without conditions and accept life without judgment, you experience peace and fulfillment. Togetherness and meaningful relationships foster moments of joy that make life worth living, while acceptance of yourself and others provides the foundation for lasting happiness.