Don’t try too hard at what you’re doing? In this world of getting things done, you might be asking why? You shouldn’t try so hard because it comes off as desperation. Trying too hard comes from a place where you feel like your actions are inadequate. You’re efforts aren’t good enough, so you must try harder.
People sniff this type of desperation out fairly quickly. If you buy a girl a gift after the first date, you’re trying too hard. If you’re blurting out ideas with no context, you’re trying too hard. People who feel this desperation will probably not want to be around someone who’s overstretching their effort. If your in a new city, and you’re looking for new friends, my advice to you is to not try so hard.
Making New Friends
From a social perspective, you should always be enthusiastic when it comes to hanging out with friends. However, if this is a new group of friends, don’t be concerned with whether or not you get invited to the function. If someone talks to you about an event that you were not invited to, don’t be jealous. Instead bask in how much fun your friends had, hoping that you can one day share in it. Perplexingly, the less desperate you appear to be about joining a group, the more you’re likely to be invited to things.
Finding that Special Someone
The same could be said about dating. I know this comes to some surprise, but when meeting a guy or a girl, don’t expect an exclusive relationship. Meeting a well balanced person (and I hope you’re meeting well balanced people) means you’re meeting a person who has other responsibilities and interests. Some of those interests may not involve you. It’s okay to see a friend rather than your significant other. It’s not really attractive to be needy. However needy you feel, know that you also need variety in hobbies and relationships. No matter how much you like that person, he/she/they will never fulfill all of your needs.
Before we can love others, we have to love ourselves. It’s great that we have other people to comfort us, console with us, and love us. These should be wants not needs. The primary love you need and deserve comes from you. If you feel like you are trying too hard to start any relationship, pull back. At the very least, you’ll be seen as more attractive.