You’ve probably been that person to dismiss a compliment of how good you look just because you personally don’t feel the same way. Is it strange that people see us in a better light than we see ourselves? I think it’s because we worry too much our imperfections, when the people around us love us despite them. Even though we get ready for the club and overestimate our sex appeal, there are times in everyday life where we underestimate.
The perception of our attractiveness is primarily based on our idea of the perfect body shape. In a few different studies, straight women surveyed believe that men most desired a slender body type, while more lesbian and bisexual women rated a heavier body type as more attractive. Women in this study also believe that men preferred larger breast than what men confirmed. Surprisingly, the women who identified as lesbian or bisexual were the ones who wanted the larger breast sizes. The study concluded that women both straight and lesbian judged themselves harsher than what their partners perceive as attractive. Men take these considerations in less importance than women.
Go Beyond the Outer Layer
When we look at the science of attraction, we should look beyond than just the physical nature. If you’re in a relationship, your partner is going to find you more attractive than any stranger. If we were to rate attractiveness, your partner would find you more attractive than you find yourself attractive.
The easy answer to why your partner finds you more than strangers is simply because he/she know you better and have a greater respect for you. Our attraction to other people grows as we get to know them further. We have to realize that external attributions isn’t the only thing that makes us cute. For instance, creativity in men is linked to greater attraction in women, and people who perform charitable actions are also seen as more attractive.
Do Not Compare Yourself With Others
I’ve already written on comparison because it’s that important, but I’ll drive the point home again. In terms of attraction, we will always underestimate our own when being compared to someone else. We are indignated with photos of Miley Cyrus twerking in a bathing suit, and we can’t help to put down our own self esteem. This is called the contrast effect. We typically make ourselves less than when we make comparison. I’m sure Miley does the same thing when she sees Rihanna in a bathing suit. The insecurity goes both ways. If we see a photo of someone we deem less attractive than us, then we find our ego popping up.
To fight how we underestimate ourselves, we must first be aware that we are doing it. Also know that we all share commonalities and just like the most beautiful woman in the world. she too has insecurities. The next time someone says that you are beautiful, believe it.