Survival demands hierarchy, which means that people feel the need to be better than others in some way. People are ranked in just about every aspect of life. Competition drives me to seek superiority through wealth, status, or power. I have to be better than someone at something. I confuse this with confidence, but true confidence shouldn’t be at the cost of someone else. This is what I would consider insecurity. I don’t need to tear someone down to feel confident in myself. I don’t need to compare myself to others when we both can win.

Where does the need to feel superior come from? One reason is my fear of insignificance. I only see people of significance when I turn on the TV and see athletes and celebrities or when I open my social media apps and see content creators. I haven’t gained these people’s notoriety, fame, or fortune, making some feel insignificant. In my heart, I feel like I should also be making the waves of the selected few. I’ve also noticed that these people aren’t in their position without competing with others.

From the Womb to the Tomb

This is why I was encouraged to get good grades as a child. Getting good grades made me significant. I was seen as better than my peers because I received the first letter of the alphabet on my test papers. Being smart became an identity, and to keep this identity, I could not falter in my education. Not only did I not want to let myself down, but I also didn’t want to lose the praise of my teachers and parents. If I were to do the opposite, I’d receive punishment. I did my best to avoid those instances.

Seeing the 1% flourish when I perceive myself as suffering creates low self-esteem. To compensate for this low self-esteem, I ensure everyone perceives me as confident. I do this by using external achievements as my point of validation. This may also mean I use these achievements as comparison points to belittle and dominate others. This is all I know. I was taught to compete at an early age. Society only regards the top and objectifies the marginalized. If I position myself over others, I am at little risk of criticism, rejection, or failure.

Who Are You Defending?

When studying superiority deeply, I understand it is merely a defense mechanism. When I don’t feel secure, the easiest way to uplift myself is to put someone down. Instead of acknowledging my flaws and limitations, it’s much easier to point out the flaws in another person. Pointing out logs is much easier than finding the speck. Instead, everything that I’m doing is right, and everything you’re doing is wrong. How can I be wrong if I have all of these achievements?

Questions and Responses