Today, it seems as though we are dealing with performative humility. We are taught from a young age that love is a finite resource and that focusing one’s love on oneself is a form of theft.

We are supposed to look in a mirror and see a flawed individual who needs help. This help typically comes from people other than ourselves.

As a result, we badmouth the person who is not afraid to stand in their own light. We do so not because we are jealous, but their light exposes our dimness.

It becomes a mirror, showing that if this person isn’t suffering from obligation, then we don’t have to either. This level of freedom is terrifying to fathom when it comes to the herd.

We call the confident person superficial because we can’t imagine anyone who doesn’t need external validation. However, the only thing that’s truly hollow is the person willing to lose themselves to keep the peace.

In truth, we fear narcissism because they remind us of the power we traded away for comfort.

What is Narcissism?

The traits that we call narcissism are actually sovereignty filtered through the ego. When someone is self-centered, they make their own presence the center of the universe.

Reality actually tells us that this is the only way to perceive. We can’t be anywhere else. The mistake of narcissism is that we tend to center one body rather than centering an awareness in which all bodies appear.

The world prefers an insecure person to a grandiose one because an insecure person validates our own sense of lack. This is why I’ve shown that there’s a difference between being nice and being kind.

Niceness tends to be a defense mechanism used to manipulate people into liking us. The unapologetic person forces us to confront our own resentment. It’s the same resentment a prisoner feels when they see another person walk free while they are still in prison.

The Misidentification of the Ego

Ego doesn’t mean that one is full of themselves. It actually means limiting oneself. When we talk about ego, we tend to limit it to just our body and our mind.

While acknowledging this limitation, we also believe that love is a limited resource. It tells us that if we love ourselves, there’s no room to love others. As a result, we see love as a transaction when it should be an extension.

When we see selfish behavior, what we are truly seeing is a soul that’s tired of the world’s demand for mediocrity. They are seeking expansion.

The error in this behavior is that they are trying to apply this expansion to personality, rather than their presence. They are trying to be the king and queen of small kingdoms rather than the creators of the stars.

The ego thus interprets grandiosity as a form of competition. To be grandiose, one must also think that I’m better than you. This may not be the case. The arrogance we despise often comes only from someone tired of playing small.

We are told not to succumb to narcissism. Greek mythology tells us that Narcissus died because he fell in love with his own reflection. This isn’t the mistake Narcissius made.

The mistake was stopping at himself. If he kept looking into the water, he’d also see the beauty in the trees, sky, and the water itself.

What we call entitlement is often distorted as rights. We have the right to peace, and we are entitled to joy. The narcissist is simply the one who has stopped waiting for permission to claim it.

Unapologetic Presence and Shameful Humility

Most humility is seen as a shield because we believe (or we know) that if we claim our magnificence, we will be attacked. We exchange smallness for safety. As a result, we betray our spirit.

Contrarily, when we see someone who unapologetically takes up space, demands attention, and speaks as though they are the most important person in the room, it triggers deep resentment.

We don’t hate them because they are bad. We hate them because they broke the prison’s rules.

I’ve also written that being modest is being disrespectful to God. It’s the ultimate form of arrogance to say that you are less than what God intended you to be if you were made in the Creator’s image.

The narcissism has nothing to do with being better than, but to finally say that I’m no longer playing the shame game. I will not apologize for being the center of my world.

Shameful humility requires comparison in hopes that one doesn’t rank themselves higher than others. The narcissist simply bypasses this comparison by assuming that they are the highest.

What the world calls arrogance is simply misplaced sovereignty. If it expresses itself as superiority, it’s not sovereignty. It’s another defense mechanism.

This is the trap that the narcissist finds themselves in. They are reaching out for sovereignty, but miss the mark and accidentally grab superiority.

The gift of true sovereignty is that it gives everyone else in its vicinity permission to be the same.

No Longer Playing Small

We’ve been conditioned to believe that an accurate self-assessment includes our weaknesses, flaws, and limitations. We’ve successfully created the limitation that the ego praises.

It tricks us into believing that pride is a sin while self-deprecation is a virtue. Yet again, I will pronounce that it is extreme arrogance to disagree with what God has created you to be. You were good from the very beginning of time.

If God is infinite and you believe that you are an extension of God, you, too, are infinite.

So when we judge someone who exhibits grandiose qualities, we aren’t judging their sense of greatness; we are judging that they are trying to fit their greatness into the limitations of their body. By doing so, this person separates themselves from others who are just as limitless as they are.

The truth is, you are the best because there is no competition with others who are also the best. This is wholeness. What we want is specialness, but specialness is impossible if everyone is special.

The Conviction in Confidence

Ever notice how the room shifts when a narcissist enters? Even those who say they hate the narcissist still feel the need to talk to them. We are drawn to confidence like a moth to a flame.

It’s not because they are good or kind, but because they possess something that the world has traded away for likeability: certainty.

A lot of us live our days asking questions like, ” Who am I? Am I doing this right? Do people like me?” We live under a constant feeling of imposter syndrome that isn’t secluded to the workplace.

The narcissist doesn’t ask these questions. It seems as though the narcissist has found the thing we’ve all been looking for. What we are looking for is a sense of being enough. We crave that certainty, but we mistakenly look outside of ourselves for validation.

This is how power dynamics are created. Since we suppress our own power, we follow the charismatic leader because we believe that their certainty in who they are will rub off on us.

Self-focus isn’t a sin, but a reminder that we are the center of our awareness. When you become the center of your world, the world no longer becomes a place that threatens you, but a mirror for reflection.

The narcissist is only halfway there. They know the world is about them, but they believe “them” is their body.

The Upsides to Narcissism

The duality of our nature presents us with two choices. You must either be a narcissist or someone who loves themselves and hurts others. The other option is to be an altruist, or someone who loves others but neglects themselves.

I’m here to say that the path of reality is in the middle.

The positive side of narcissism is centering yourself. Missing the mark is believing that you are the traits of your body. This only leads to inequality, such as white supremacy, homophobia, and other discrepancies that do nothing but marginalize.

Focusing on yourself means you have no boundaries. It’s the recognition that you are the body, and that the others appearing in the room are the body. We want to get from personal narcissism to omnipresence.

In this way, to love oneself is to love all. We love our neighbor, not because it’s morally right, but because we’ve recognized that our neighbor is an extension of us.

If you love others as yourself (which is called the golden rule), how can you harm anyone? Why would you punch yourself in the arm? Why would you lie to your own mind?

The narcissist’s lack of empathy isn’t cured by thinking of others, but by realizing there are no others.

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