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The Self-Help Book Industry Is Lying to You
Self-help books typically position themselves as saviors. Have anxiety? Here are the steps you need to be happy. If you are stuck in a rut, read these 12 rules to be more successful. They are written in a way that makes these books a magic pill for all of our problems, and the guidelines within these books apply to everyone. Neither of these assumptions is true. It’s quite ironic that there are books about being more authentic from the perspective of an author who’s never met you. I’m not exempt from this writing style because I’ve done it, too. Yet, with every book written, nothing seems to change. So to find true change, I’ll spend money on another book.
The self-help book industry thrives on people believing that they are not enough. Books make us believe we are competent enough to read a book, but we aren’t there yet. Each book is a consistent reminder that we are not enough. I’m a firm believer that medicine is supposed to cure, not make you dependent. If the medicine makes you nothing more than dependent on the medicine, it’s not effective.
Improvement Through Rejection
I’ve also realized that the form of self-improvement presented in self-help books is improvement through rejection. Some books talk about conquering our bad habits. There are books about upleveling our mindset or increasing our self-esteem. Each book presents a deficiency that we have that we need to fix. I’m very quiet, but I’m not supposed to be quiet, so I need a book to teach me how to talk.
The funny thing about change is that it tends to occur without our involvement. Returning to the idea of a mechanistic universe, we do the same thing to ourselves. Instead of accepting who we are, we treat ourselves as one of the biggest projects that tend never to finish. We think we are doing “better,” but with every book purchase, another book tells us that we haven’t learned enough. I’ve since given away most of my books to various book and thrift stores. Hopefully, they can teach another person that they no longer need them.
Questions and Responses
Why do I keep buying self-help books even though they don’t work?
Because they give you hope. Each book feels like it might be the one that changes your life. But they often repeat the same message: you’re not enough, yet. That cycle becomes addictive.
Is there something wrong with me if self-help books haven’t helped?
Not at all. These books are built on general advice, not personal insight. If they haven’t worked, it’s likely because your experience is too unique for a one-size-fits-all solution.
Can I still grow without reading self-help books?
Absolutely. In fact, many people experience the most meaningful change through self-awareness, therapy, life experience, and real connection, not from the pages of a book.
Why does reading self-help often make me feel worse about myself?
Because they subtly reinforce the idea that you’re broken or lacking. Even uplifting books can leave you chasing perfection or suppressing your true self.
What’s a better alternative to traditional self-help?
Try embracing curiosity over correction. Read for inspiration, not instruction. Talk to people, explore creative outlets, and lean into experiences. Growth often happens when you’re not trying so hard.
Should I stop reading self-help books entirely?
Not necessarily. Just be mindful of why you’re reading. If you’re constantly hoping the next book will finally “fix” you, it might be time to pause and ask: What if I’m not broken?
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