The Positivity in Seeing the Negative

I think many of us treat what we perceive to be negative events as an inconvenience. We are taught always to be positive, so when it comes to negativity it’s not supposed to happen. We try to avoid negativity as much as we can and plan against it. Throughout my life, I’ve been known to be a negative person. I’m not one to bring up the downsides of any plan. Every time this occurred, I was shamed for being labeled negative. If the thing I pointed out happened, it was my fault for thinking negatively. Now, I realize I’m not negative. I’ve come to realize negative outcomes are just as likely as positive. Not thinking about the other side doesn’t make it go away. I’ve come to realize that I was comfortable with knowing the negative possibilities. I have accepted them as a possibility. Many of us do not.

It’s funny that negativity is something we avoid, yet something so common in all of us. We aren’t willing to see our dark side because it involves emotions we don’t want like irritation, anxiety, grief, and worry. However, there are a lot of benefits from thinking about both sides instead of always remaining positive.

Benefits of Thinking Negatively

The first benefit I’d like to call out is that pointing out the negatives lowers expectations. In my case, removes expectations altogether. If we go back to the brainstorming example we started with, I’d usually be in group meetings where new ideas would pop up. Someone would offer up a new idea and show how it would work. When this is said, I’m already running through the downsides of this idea. I could say it out loud, but in most cases, I’d be labeled as a downer.

How much pressure does a person put on themselves if they predict that all of the outcomes of their idea will be positive? They will most likely put all their effort into making their predetermined positive notions the only possibility. That’s a lot of stress. In my case, bringing up the negative possibilities lowers the expectation of success because I’m already aware of the bad things that can happen. If we execute on the idea and succeed, great! If we don’t it’s not a big deal because we’ve already noted that failure was a possibility.

Negativity is a Bad Thing

We position negativity as a bad thing when it doesn’t have to be. Since we deem it morally wrong, we tend to resist negativity instead of embracing it. Oddly enough, in this positivity-driven world, we don’t act positively towards negativity. Again paradoxically, the resistance to negativity only creates more stress. The more we think negatively, the stronger the negative thoughts become. By resisting negativity, we think we are becoming more positive, but it’s at the risk of having a war within our minds. It’s almost like we gaslight our experiences just so that we are deemed morally good by only looking at the bright side.

The antidote to this constant rumination of negative thoughts is accepting the negativity. By accepting negativity we see it as possible, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to give it meaning. In actuality, negativity is meaningless. Just because you made a mistake doesn’t mean that you are a bad person. We accept that a mistake was made and we keep moving. In my case, it should be okay to bring up ways that something won’t work instead of being shamed for being negative. The action of seeing two different perspectives isn’t a cause for defining one’s character.

Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity is not acknowledging that negativity is normal. Negativity happens throughout all of life. To pretend that it doesn’t only bring more hardships. Negativity doesn’t mean you are insecure, nor does it mean that you are incompetent. It’s an energy that is outside of us, yet we try to control it to no avail.

The best way to use negativity is to learn more about ourselves. If make decisions without having a pros and cons list, we are only displaying one side of us. We are willing to decide without consulting our whole self. In most cases, these decisions are going to blow up in our face. As it is important to know what we like, we also need to know what we don’t like. A road is not only determined by what is paved but also by the wilderness that creates its boundaries.