Work has always been sold as a ladder to success. Each position is merely a step on the rung towards another, better position. I fell for this lie when I decided to take a director’s position in digital marketing. It was one of the worst experiences I’ve had so far in my short life because I thought this job was supposed to lead to something better. Our emotions about our current situation are distorted by our fear of falling off this ladder. Even if we are going through a terrible experience in this position we find ourselves in, we are taught to smile and keep on climbing. Once we get to the top, we can sell the ladder to someone else.

We’re All Working for Something

No one works for the sake of working. It doesn’t work like that in this employment system. Even though people come and go through the office, we must ensure we do work that shows others we were here. We are expected to work hard and with passion, so that the work we do becomes our legacy. The point of the job is to give you something. For the longest time, I had been searching for a job that gave me meaning beyond a paycheck. Sadly, I’ve come to find out that there’s no meaning here.

Yet, this is the gospel that is preached to us every day, the moment we walk in the door or sign in on the computer. This project will lead to something. The effort that we put in today will be meaningful at some point. How many tasks and projects have we completed that we’ve completely forgotten in the future? Where is the meaning once the work is done? We tend to go on to the next thing as if the last thing never happened. If we were to remove the idea that the work will lead to something, what would be left? We are left with nothing but the task at hand.

Working Without an Agenda

When work lacks a clear agenda, it can be quite boring. The tasks are very repetitive, along with the conversations we have with our coworkers. The need to perform is no longer there. Removing the agenda from my work has left me with a void, as the work now seems pointless and unfulfilling. At the same time, I don’t put the same emotional effort into working because I know there’s no meaning in it. It’s allowed me to be more present, knowing that all I’m doing is answering emails, attending a meeting, and handling another task. I tried to work in a more mission-based industry, and still, this is all I do.

I thought working in the nonprofit world would make me a better person. This was before the recognition that I was already perfect. So, when I go to work, it’s quite mundane, but I’m not lying to myself in believing that I’m doing more than I am. The meaning in the work is the work itself. I was once so frustrated that my work wasn’t having an impact on others’ lives, but now I don’t expect it to. It might help someone, it might not.

Doing My Duty

All I know is that I was tired of performing and pretending as though my work was uplifting the lives of others, without the certainty of knowing if it was. It might be more accurate to say I no longer believe I’m uplifting people with my work, because no one needs to be uplifted. Any belief that people do need my help is an opinion of superiority that I no longer desire.

I only show up to work because I said yes. It’s my duty and my responsibility. I work because I need to survive, and I’ve yet to find an alternative that would allow me to live in this society. I’m done pretending that work means more than this. I no longer respect a job that yields anything other than the paycheck needed to pay my bills. I no longer need to ask why I work because, given the opportunity, I probably wouldn’t.

It is what it is

The point in saying all this is to say that work doesn’t need to be more than it is. When we place expectations on the job, we open ourselves up to disappointment. This has happened in all my experience. I searched for a company that expressed a culture of love, but did not embody that once I was inside. I climbed the ladder, only to faceplant. I’ve come to realize that only I can set expectations at work, and, for the time being, none of my expectations have worked out well.

The ultimate meaning of work is its progression. Hardly is the work ever the reason someone does their duty. If you are anything like me, you’ve found that work is meaningless, but you’ve also tried to fix this by moving to another position or finding a company with a better “culture.” We’ve always been taught that our work should matter, but what would happen if we no longer need it to?

The Misidentification of Work

With this thinking, I no longer want to be identified with my work. I no longer want to start a conversation with I am a (fill in position here). That doesn’t mean I stop answering phone calls, attending meetings, or doing my daily tasks. It means that they no longer require any meaning from me. If I add meaning to something that I can easily be laid off from, fired from, or quit, who am I after the role has been fulfilled? As a result, I’m no longer selling my identity for the praise and approval of others. I show up because I said yes. It’s a promise I intend to keep until I no longer need to keep it. This is the case with much of life. Something begins, and then it comes to an end. It doesn’t require me to identify with something impermanent.

Because the performance does not cloud me, I can see things as they are. The impact story we tell may not be impactful at all, nor is there a need to inflate the company’s purpose. It is what it is. This isn’t a call to be cynical, but a call to be closer to what’s real. I don’t need to grind to help people because I have no evidence that I’m truly making a difference for anyone. I don’t need to sacrifice my life for any job because I believe I receive something holy from it. The moralism of working, in itself, means nothing to me. I work because this is where I am, until it’s not.

Stewardship Rather Than Ownership

This shift in perspective has allowed me to realize that I am not the owner of my work, but a steward of the position that I’ve chosen to take. I’m not the owner of the talents I display, nor am I the owner of time. I am the caretaker of all these things. The mere act of identification creates conflict. It’s the feeling of being personally attacked when it comes to failure, criticism, and competition between coworkers. It also makes me believe that my value is tied to my output. I’m only as good as the praise I receive. To maintain this praise, I must consistently put forth effort and achieve results. This thinking only creates a reactionary self that only sees negativity through mistakes.

Reactions Vs. Responses

What does the reaction look like? Being identified with work would look like a devastating loss if the work were to end. In most cases, the loss of a job, especially without the worker’s consent (such as a layoff), is experienced as an ontological death. If we are our work, criticism of the work becomes a personal attack. This only triggers defense mechanisms that make it very difficult to collaborate effectively. Ultimately, identification with work can lead to burnout and long-term suffering. The constant need to earn value through one’s actions leads to unending striving and a fear of not being enough.

If I’m going to talk about the reactionary effects, I should also talk about how I’d respond. Work constantly tells us to only care about the outcomes of work, whereas a steward only cares about the work itself. I have no control over outcomes. I also have no control over the praise or criticism that may result from the work. My work is done with excellence only because it’s an expression of the present moment. My work is also a shared service. If I have a goal, it’s to optimize my work for the benefit of ALL stakeholders. I work for no one, but work with everyone. This includes me. I don’t work for selfish gain, and I won’t be a tool for someone else’s.

Questions and Responses