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The Lie We All Believe: ‘If I Do This, Then I’ll Be Happy’
A common fallacy we often live with is, “If I do this, then I’ll be happy.” If I land my dream job, find love, or earn a substantial amount of money, then I’ll be happy. If I implement the desired changes, the company will be able to reach its full potential. How much of this is objectively true? By objective, I mean that it is universally true for every person who uses this mode of reasoning. This idea is highly subjective, as it applies to some but not to others. As a result, we cannot say that if A happens, then B will happen, even if there is an outlier that suggests otherwise.
The mind creates the idea of causality to give us a sense of control that is not there. We tend to think that the world is so mechanistic because it gives us the ability to control the effects by determining their causes. As a result, we like to think that we are the cause of things, bringing praise when we are successful, but also providing guilt when we fail. The entire mechanistic worldview creates such emotional damage because we think we are in control of things we are not in control of at all.
Suppose things are not in our control. When we perceive things as bad, we often blame ourselves, believing we could have avoided it if we had just done something differently. We regret the past because we often relive scenarios of what could have happened rather than what did. Exams always caused great distress because if I did well, it was a celebration. If I had done poorly, I would constantly review the mistakes I made, as if I could have done something to prevent them. I would have gotten question 13 right if I had studied this particular section of the text more. It’s a constant battle of what-ifs.
Not only is there depression about the past, but there is anxiety about the future. We constantly plan, believing that if I do this correctly now, it will have the desired effect later. If I study well today, I will pass my test tomorrow. The irony is that if I study well and still don’t pass my test, I don’t view it as a failure in my idea of causality. I believe that I’m the one who failed. I blame myself for believing that I had the power to prevent the negativity that arises in the future. In reality, I have no control over what happens to me because I cannot accurately predict the future.
This idea that we have control becomes the reason why we see increases in cases of anxiety and depression. We, again, believe that these “deficiencies” are self-made and can be treated with therapy and pills. I suppose there’s more money in pharmaceuticals than in telling people they have no control over their lives. I also understand that telling people they don’t have control can also bring up a whole host of other issues. The question is whether we want to maintain our broken house with sticks and glue, or completely demolish it, knowing that we can rebuild something with more stability. The risk of demolishing the house is that it will make us homeless, at least temporarily. That loss of security seems to be our biggest fear. We continue to accept the status quo, even though we know it to be incorrect.
Questions and Responses
We’re conditioned by society, media, and upbringing to associate happiness with achievement. But real happiness is more nuanced—it often comes from inner peace rather than external wins.
To some extent, yes. However, much of what happens in life is influenced by variables that we cannot predict or manage. The idea of complete control is often more comforting than factual.
This is part of the mechanistic worldview—we assume that causality exists. If something bad happened, we think it was our fault. This belief can lead to chronic guilt and shame.
When we try to control or predict everything, we create pressure. If things go wrong, we blame ourselves, leading to self-doubt, regret, and emotional exhaustion.
It’s sensitive, yes. The goal isn’t to create hopelessness, but to invite peace in the face of uncertainty. Recognizing our limits can actually be freeing, not frightening.
Living with intention rather than outcome. Focus on doing your best without obsessing over results. Embrace adaptability and present-moment awareness.
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