All relationships are built on a mutual exchange. There should be no case where I feel they need to sacrifice to be a part of any relationship. I may not know how much I reciprocate in my relationships, but when there is a lack, I can feel it. I’ve been of the mindset that I give and receive simultaneously. If my giving feels like a burden, something is wrong with my relationship. My giving now feels like an obligation or an expectation when it should be given freely.

A relationship is defined by a need and another person’s willingness to support that need. Humans subconsciously need to reciprocate when something is done to us. This need to reciprocate only becomes a burden when manipulated, and every action from me expects an equal action from them. This is the attitude when it comes to gift-giving. If I receive a gift, the subconscious need is for me to give a gift and then return it to the person. What if this isn’t the case? What if my gift back is the surprise I received when receiving the gift, the sense of joy of opening it up, and the thank you? If I give you a gift and the act of gift-giving gives me a tingling feeling because of your appreciation, you’ve already reciprocated. One can see if a gift is being reciprocated when it is given.

Reciprocal relationships require a spirit of cooperation, as well as an understanding of and ability to embrace interdependence.

– Anne Ream

If one person believes in giving and another only takes, the relationship risks being lopsided. In that case, I’d say there isn’t any relationship. Many would base relationships on labels. You will always be in relation with family because that’s who they are. They are your mother, father, sister, and brother. Yet, if I give without the feeling of reciprocity, are we truly relative?

All Relationships are Mutually Beneficial

The best relationships are when people are filling each other’s needs consistently. This means that there is a mutual benefit to relating. The bee and the flower are best friends because the bee collects pollen and nectar from the flower for food, while the pollination allows the flower to reproduce by producing seeds. There is no relationship in nature where those involved don’t benefit from each other. When you truly think about it, this is the golden rule.

Relationships end when people feel they are not meeting their needs. This not only happens in romantic relationships but also employment. Again, when you think about it, work is merely a relationship among people for a paycheck. I bring my skills to a company, expecting to be reciprocated with money. Yet, that’s not the only relationship. I have a relationship with coworkers that we hope is mutually beneficial, rules and structure that I hope is mutually beneficial, and a relationship with a culture that I hope is mutually beneficial. If any of these don’t align with my needs, I have the right to quit, as the business has the right to fire me.

Fostering Healthy Relationships

Reciprocity is the key building block for all relationships. To foster a healthy, reciprocal relationship, one must encourage open communication. Communication is a form of reciprocity. One talks, and another listens. We don’t build relationships without speaking honestly and listening intently. This also means being vulnerable to your needs. I grew up believing I didn’t need anything because nothing was given to me. I pride myself on my individuality. This hurt my relationships going forward. I can’t always be that stoic person, and I still have much learning to do when it comes to asking, even without expecting it to be fulfilled.

There’s no such thing as collective reciprocity. You can never fulfill the needs of all people at once. Businesses and governments constantly believe that this is true. There will always a person, or group of people who will get left out of blanketed actions. Each action of reciprocity has to be tailored to the individual. This is where frameworks like the 5 Love Languages become helpful. When it comes to all relationships, we must remember that everyone must benefit from being a part of the collective, or there won’t be a reason to join.

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