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Love is Free Therapy When You Think About it
There is a growing notion that we all need therapy. I tend to agree, but not in the conventional way. The conventional way of therapy with a trained professional who’s studied psychology for numerous years is inaccessible to all people. It’s quite expensive. Even going through something like Betterhelp is $80 a week. I need that for groceries. When people say that people need, therapy, what they are saying is that they need love.
Again, when I speak of love, it’s not that of romantic or sexual love. It is the love for everyone. What the Greeks would call agape. This type of love comes with deep respect and complete dignity for the other person. The purpose of this type of love is to show another person who they are in complete perfection. I see you as perfect and my goal is to make sure you see that as well. Is that not the goal of therapy because it is the goal of love?
The relationship between therapist and client is one of acceptance. In every session, the therapist creates an unconditional positive outlook on their client regardless of the stories the client has to tell. They validate all emotions, all opinions, and all perspectives. The therapist isn’t obligated to agree with these perspectives but does not invalidate any of them. The therapist plays the role of observer and supports the client as the person freely gives themselves in a truly vulnerable way.
The wonderful part of the relationship is that the therapist is open and allowed to challenge the beliefs of the client. The therapist can do this because there’s a trust that the therapist only has the well-being of the other at the top of their mind when questioning the stories we tell ourselves. That also means that the client can disagree with the assessments of the therapist. The therapist doesn’t take it personally, but accepts the point of view of their client, knowing that a person’s opinions are free to evolve on their own. What happens is an honest conversation in which neither person has the expectation or the obligation to change because of the conversation.
Relationships typically come with some form of power dynamics, but the therapist/client relationship tries to prevent this from happening. If the therapist perpetrates power over the client, the client will not be free to be vulnerable with the therapist. It’s then important for the therapist to establish both partners within the relationship as equals. One way of doing this is also sharing parts of the therapist’s life in mutual vulnerability. The telling of stories allows each to create a wider perspective to learn from each other.
What if we were in a relationship where we take turns being both the therapist and the client? Is this not love?
Questions and Responses
Do we all really need therapy?
There is a growing belief that everyone can benefit from therapy in some way. However, the idea of therapy can extend beyond the conventional notion of sitting with a professional. What most people truly need is love—specifically, the kind of love that offers unconditional support, understanding, and respect. This doesn’t mean that professional therapy isn’t valuable; it simply highlights that the essence of what we seek in therapy is often found in deep, loving relationships.
Why is conventional therapy inaccessible to many people?
Professional therapy can be quite expensive and often out of reach for people who cannot afford the high costs, which can range from $80 a week or more, even through platforms like BetterHelp. While trained professionals offer valuable expertise, for some, the financial burden means they prioritize other necessities, like groceries, over therapy. This makes it important to explore alternative forms of emotional support and healing that are more accessible.
How is therapy connected to the idea of love?
Therapy and love, specifically agape—the Greek concept of unconditional, selfless love—share a common goal. Both aim to create a space where individuals are seen, accepted, and supported without judgment. In this sense, therapy is a form of love that seeks to help individuals see their inherent worth and perfection. The therapist offers unconditional acceptance, much like how agape love respects the dignity and humanity of another person.
What role does a therapist play in a person’s healing journey?
A therapist acts as an observer and guide, offering nonjudgmental support and validation of the client’s emotions, perspectives, and experiences. The relationship is one of mutual respect, where the therapist creates an environment where the client can be vulnerable without fear of judgment. Though the therapist may challenge certain beliefs, they do so with the client’s best interests in mind, fostering a safe space for growth and self-discovery.
Can love replace professional therapy?
Love, especially the kind rooted in deep respect and acceptance, can provide emotional healing in many ways similar to therapy. However, it’s not a replacement for professional help, especially in cases where specialized knowledge and mental health treatment are necessary. Love and strong relationships can supplement therapy or provide support for those who cannot access professional services, but they are not always a substitute for clinical intervention.
What is the significance of mutual vulnerability in therapy?
Mutual vulnerability in therapy refers to the idea that both the therapist and the client can share parts of themselves, creating a relationship of equals. By sharing personal stories and experiences, both individuals can learn from one another. This shared vulnerability helps break down power dynamics, making the relationship more authentic and allowing for deeper connection and understanding.
How does the therapist-client relationship avoid power dynamics?
In an ideal therapist-client relationship, the therapist works to ensure that both parties are seen as equals. This is crucial because power imbalances can hinder the client’s ability to be vulnerable and honest. The therapist accomplishes this by fostering an environment of trust and mutual respect, where the client feels free to share their true self without fear of judgment or coercion.
Is it possible to have a relationship where both people act as therapists and clients?
Yes, it’s possible to have relationships where both individuals take turns being the therapist and the client. This type of relationship is rooted in love, where both parties provide each other with validation, support, and understanding. In such a relationship, the focus is on mutual growth and healing, without the expectation that one person is always the helper and the other is always in need of help.
Why is challenging beliefs important in therapy?
In therapy, challenging beliefs is part of the healing process. The therapist can question the stories we tell ourselves, not to invalidate them, but to help us gain new perspectives and insights. This process is done with care and respect, knowing that it can lead to deeper self-awareness. Similarly, in relationships, being open to different viewpoints can promote growth and understanding.
What happens when a therapist disagrees with a client?
When a therapist disagrees with a client’s perspective, they don’t impose their viewpoint or invalidate the client’s experience. Instead, the disagreement is approached with openness and respect. The therapist trusts that the client’s beliefs may evolve naturally over time, and they don’t take disagreement personally. This creates a space for honest conversation without the expectation that one must change the other’s mind.
Can therapy exist outside of a formal setting?
Yes, the essence of therapy—acceptance, understanding, and support—can exist in everyday relationships. While professional therapy offers structured guidance, many of the principles found in therapy can be applied to our personal connections. When we listen without judgment, provide validation, and challenge each other’s beliefs with care, we are engaging in therapeutic relationships, whether formal or informal.
Is there a difference between validation in therapy and love?
Validation in both therapy and love involves acknowledging and accepting another person’s emotions and experiences without judgment. In therapy, this is done within a professional framework, while in love, it is more personal and intimate. Both forms of validation are powerful because they create a sense of safety and acceptance, allowing people to be vulnerable and authentic.
Why do power dynamics matter in therapy?
Power dynamics matter in therapy because they can affect the client’s ability to be open and vulnerable. If the therapist exerts too much control or authority, the client may feel silenced or invalidated. A healthy therapist-client relationship is built on equality, where both individuals respect each other’s autonomy. This balance allows for more honest and productive sessions.
How does unconditional acceptance impact the healing process?
Unconditional acceptance, whether from a therapist or a loved one, creates a safe environment where individuals feel free to explore their true selves. This acceptance validates all emotions and experiences, without pressure to change or conform. It fosters trust, which is essential for healing and personal growth, as it allows individuals to confront their vulnerabilities without fear of rejection.
Can we create healing relationships without professional training?
Absolutely. While professional training provides valuable tools and techniques, anyone can cultivate healing relationships by practicing empathy, active listening, and unconditional support. By creating spaces where others feel seen, respected, and validated, we can offer some of the same benefits that formal therapy provides. These relationships are rooted in love, compassion, and mutual growth.