Sometimes wanting an explanation comes from a desire for curiosity. In other cases, the need for explanation comes from self-preservation. The idea is that if we can identify the cause, we can prevent the effect from happening. Because we think in the linear idea of cause and effect, the only reason we want to know the cause of a mistake is so that it doesn’t happen again. We want to understand a failed relationship in hopes that the next one is a success. As we apply meaning to things, we bring order into the chaos of the unknown. The issue with this is that in most cases, there may not be an explanation. When we can’t find what we are looking for, we tend to make it up.

The illusion of explanations is that it gives a false sense of control. Because something is understandable, it means that it is also controllable. This may be the only reason we seek to understand people and events. The underlying intention may not be to understand, but to control. We don’t seek to understand any topic when it comes to a hobby or occupation simply because we are curious. Instead, we seek to gain mastery over it. We consider ourselves experts in our field because it gives us a sense of control in our work. This is evident in the need to be right in our area of expertise. Any notion of not knowing is seen as a threat. Even a bad answer is better than no answer at all.

With a fear of not knowing, we explain just about everything, including moods, behaviors, and mere coincidences. Everything needs to have meaning. I remember applying for a job at Forever 21. A couple of weeks after my first interview, I started seeing yellow Forever 21 bags everywhere. My noticing of the bags meant that I was soon to get the job. I never got the job. The need for explanation goes back to the need for narration, as we believe things need to make sense in our heads before they can play out in real life. Anything unexpected becomes a shock to the system. The writer’s room of our mind rushes to build a story that can account for it. No one likes plot holes.

The need for explanation distorts reality by taking what is and adding an Instagram filter to make it more palatable. When a child would cry because something that happened to them wasn’t fair, a typical parent’s response would be, “Life isn’t fair.” It’s only half the story. Life isn’t fair because life is neutral. It’s we who add the filter of fairness. It would be better for parents to say this to their child. Life isn’t always going to fit our preferences, but that’s no reason why we should accept life as it happens.

Removing the need for an explanation removes tension if we allow it. It helps us remember that things happen. Not for a reason, but for what it is. We don’t need a happily ever after if we have reverence for life as it unfolds in real time. We don’t need to be life’s detective. There’s no need to interrogate every detail of an event for hidden messages. Life is direct, with no need to investigate the underlying message. There is no underlying message. We might find more rest if we tried not to turn every experience into a coherent story. I know much of my headspace is taken up by trying to understand something I can’t understand. As a result, my mind races with the same things repeatedly, trying to find the answer within the pattern. There is no answer, just mental exhaustion, anxiety, and depression.

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