It can be difficult to scroll through curated photos and videos on social media without feeling a tinge of jealousy. We see the positives of the Instagram feed and wonder why the same thing isn’t happening for us.
It becomes even worse. With every success you scroll past, there’s a feeling of diminishment as if their success takes away any hope for your own. They are doing something you aren’t. They have the secret, and they are unwilling to share.
It doesn’t end here either. It gets even worse. We deal with the guilt of spiritual bypassing. Because we read all the self-help books, went to church, and maintained our morality, we believe that we shouldn’t be in this predicament.
There’s the guilt of believing that we should be beyond our struggle, combined with the idea that we are too righteous to be jealous of our friends. I shouldn’t be envious because envy is a sin. A deadly one at that.
These thoughts create a holy version of yourself that has the right to beat up the real version that fails to meet the standards you’ve set for yourself. It keeps us trapped in guilt.
One, for feeling envy. Two, for being hypocritical because this is not the person you want to be.
We have to remember that the feeling of jealousy is not a moral failing, but a call for love.
To feel envy is to believe that success is a pie. If others get a piece of the pie, there’s less left for you. You’re essentially believing that love is a finite resource, and love has forgotten about you.
The sting of jealousy only serves as a trigger. It reminds us of how much we’ve veered off the path of togetherness into separation.
Our reaction to this jealousy is not to fight it, but to treat it as a mother does a child having a nightmare. It’s only a dream where you’ve forgotten that you are already perfect. Now, let’s wake up together.
Looking in the Mirror
Every system in our world is built on the belief of limited resources. If someone takes a large portion of the resources, your portion dwindles.
In this system, a person’s win is interpreted as your loss. There is a hierarchy, and you’re sliding down the ladder.
Even infinite resources such as love are treated as transactional. It comes from the error that love is subtractive, when in reality it’s holographic. It’s holographic in the sense that love can be found in any form.
What we envy isn’t the bank account, the perfect spouse, or the number of followers. We envy the peace, safety, and radiance that underlie these things.
Another truth we never seem to hold dearly is that it’s impossible to recognize a quality in another that isn’t already fully present in yourself.
The only way you know a person is funny is if you have a sense of humor.
This also translates to success. You know what success looks like because it’s also in your essence. You can see beauty in another because you have beauty within as well. We unknowingly act as mirrors to actions we both like and dislike.
As a result, the tinge of envy is just a mistake in identity. You see something in someone that you don’t see in yourself. The truth is, you are envious of your own reflection.
There’s No Competition
Instead of seeing envy as a sin, we must see it as a signal. When you are envious, you are not jealous of another person’s success; you are in a position to remember your own.
The luxurious photos and videos on social media shouldn’t spark envy, but should serve as reminders of the luxuries you’ve had in your life. Jealousy isn’t a way to covet what someone has, but a cry to remember the beauty, peace, and freedom that’s already within you.
Instead of feeling bad about ourselves, all we have to do is return.
The person flaunting isn’t a rival at all, but a mirror to trigger our own recognition.
If you see someone getting a new job while you’re still on the job search, the celebration shows you that it is not impossible. If you see photos of the perfect family, it’s a reminder of the possibility of harmony.
Instead of seeing this as competition, we see it as a possibility. This person is happy, which means joy is possible.
There’s nothing to desire if you know that you have it all. We know that we have it all because we can see it in every person.
Jealousy says, “I want what they have.” Let’s change the perspective to say that I recognize who I am through another person’s window. This is true unity.
By celebrating another, you know the same is in store for you, as it shows proof of your own potential.
I See Myself in You
Peace is already within us. If you believe that your peace is dependent on being better than another, or having more, then your peace isn’t true.
When someone has gained, know that you have lost nothing.
Note that everything you see is a reflection of yourself. Competing doesn’t make any sense from this perspective because you’re only fighting yourself.
Yet there’s this weird notion that “me vs. me” is the correct perspective to take. This separation of your past self and your future self is going cause the same suffering as if you were competing with another. Let it all go.
If you know someone you secretly envy, start any interaction by saying, “I see myself in you.” This removes any need to compare.
Questions and Responses
It’s a trick of the brain. We’ve been conditioned to see life like a pie. If someone takes a huge slice, we’re terrified there won’t be enough left for us. This “scarcity mindset” makes us feel like we’re sliding down a ladder every time a friend climbs up. But happiness and success aren’t finite resources like oil or gold; they’re more like a candle flame. When your friend lights their candle, it doesn’t make your room darker. It actually adds more light to the space you both share.
First, give yourself some grace. Feeling jealous doesn’t mean you’re a “bad” or “unspiritual” person. It usually means you’ve just temporarily forgotten your own value. We often create an “ideal” version of ourselves and then beat ourselves up for not living up to it. Instead of judging the jealousy, look at it like a signal. It’s your heart’s way of saying, “I’m hurting because I feel disconnected and forgotten.” You don’t need a lecture; you just need to remember that your path is unique and cannot be “stolen” by anyone else.
Think about it: you can’t recognize a “funny” person unless you have a sense of humor yourself. You can’t recognize “beauty” unless you have a concept of beauty within you. If you see someone who is incredibly successful or peaceful and it sparks a longing in you, it’s because that same potential lives within you. You aren’t jealous of them; you are actually catching a glimpse of a version of yourself that you’ve been ignoring. They are just showing you what’s possible.
Try a simple mental shift. The moment you feel that “sting” from a photo or post, take a breath and say to yourself: “I’m glad that joy is possible.” By celebrating their win, you’re telling your own brain that “good things are happening in the world,” rather than “good things are only happening to other people.” It breaks the “me vs. them” loop and reminds you that you’re on the same team.
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