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Finding the Pleasure Within Our Pain
I’ve been reading about masochism. I know this is a taboo subject, but I think there’s something here that we can integrate into our everyday life to be more whole and more human. We see such a word, we completely disregard such a topic. I think in this case, it’s typically referred in a nature that is geared toward practicing adults.
There is such a thing as benign masochism that could be beneficial to living a whole life. Benign masochism is the idea of seeking pleasure from experiences we believe to be aversive and frightening. The perfect example is going to a dark, loud theater to watch a scary movie. We know we are going to be frightened, but we do it anyway because we derive pleasure from that fear. We jump out of our seats to later laugh because of our experience of being scared. Our first inclination is to resist scary experiences. I think Darwin (or someone like him) would say we fight or take flight. Meaning we either fight what’s in our head, or we try to escape from it. What if we can derive pleasure from our suffering as we do when we are at the movie theater?
No Need to Sky Dive
This is not an article asking you to be risk-takers. You don’t have to be daredevils and jump out of planes, or run with bulls. Lord knows I wouldn’t. This really isn’t about conquering your fear. It’s about regulating emotions so that we don’t feel anger and sadness when we experience suffering. However, just like thrill-seeking, I believe benign masochism can help us greet the day with excitement rather than looking like Squidward because we have to do something we don’t like doing.
You can’t get hurt if your expectation is that you’ll get hurt. I’m already certain that the response to that sentence was resistance, but we practice this notion throughout the day. Those who go to the gym know that pain is coming when they lift heavy objects, but that pain means nothing to them because it’s expected of the action. Pain seems to hurt when it comes as a surprise.
Our life issue is believing in dualism, thus splitting what is the same into two separate pieces. Most knowingly, we split things into good and bad. When it comes to pain, we say that pain is bad, but is that always the case? Again we watch scary movies for an enjoyable experience. We also listen to sad music to feel better. We believe rollercoasters are fun while we scream our lungs out. Mothers go into labor knowing that there’s pain but also know that there’s a gift waiting at the end. If pain is not always bad which makes pain being bad objectively untrue, some good can be found in all pain, right? That’s just me thinking logically.
Questions and Responses
What is benign masochism?
Benign masochism refers to the act of deriving pleasure from experiences that are typically perceived as aversive, frightening, or painful. It’s the concept of enjoying discomfort in a controlled and safe environment. A common example is watching scary movies—though we know we will be scared, we still find pleasure in the experience. This practice allows us to embrace discomfort and potentially find meaning or joy in situations that would otherwise be unpleasant.
How is benign masochism different from traditional masochism?
Traditional masochism often involves seeking out physical or psychological pain, sometimes as part of adult practices. Benign masochism, on the other hand, involves engaging in experiences that are unpleasant but not harmful, such as eating spicy food, riding roller coasters, or lifting weights. It’s about finding joy in discomfort without any actual risk to our well-being. It’s more about embracing minor struggles as part of life’s variety.
Can embracing benign masochism help us deal with negative emotions?
Yes, embracing benign masochism can help us better regulate negative emotions. By willingly exposing ourselves to mild discomforts and learning to enjoy them, we can change our perception of suffering. This mindset helps us face unpleasant situations with less fear or sadness. Just as we laugh after jumping during a scary movie, we can learn to greet everyday challenges with a more open and positive attitude.
Why do people seek out experiences that cause fear or discomfort?
People seek out experiences that cause fear or discomfort because they often bring a sense of excitement, thrill, or accomplishment. This phenomenon is partly driven by our natural curiosity and the body’s production of adrenaline during these experiences. By voluntarily facing our fears, we gain a sense of control and satisfaction. Moreover, experiencing fear in a safe environment can provide a rush of positive emotions, leaving us feeling more alive and resilient.
Is it necessary to engage in extreme activities to practice benign masochism?
No, engaging in extreme activities like skydiving or bungee jumping is not necessary to practice benign masochism. The idea is not to become a daredevil but to embrace discomfort in everyday situations. Simple activities such as exercising, eating spicy food, listening to sad music, or watching a scary movie are all forms of benign masochism. The key is to find manageable discomforts that help us shift our mindset toward everyday challenges.
How does benign masochism relate to the concept of dualism?
Dualism is the tendency to categorize experiences into opposing forces, such as good and bad or pleasure and pain. Benign masochism challenges this notion by showing that some traditionally “negative” experiences can actually be enjoyable. For example, we often label pain as “bad,” but experiences like watching horror movies or working out demonstrate that discomfort can coexist with pleasure. By exploring benign masochism, we learn that life is not just about avoiding pain but sometimes finding joy within it.
Can this mindset help with everyday challenges, like work or routine tasks?
Absolutely. By adopting the mindset of benign masochism, we can change our approach to daily tasks and obligations. When we expect discomfort—such as frustration from a difficult work assignment—we become better equipped to handle it. Instead of dreading these experiences, we can learn to find some form of satisfaction or growth within them, making it easier to greet each day with a positive attitude.
How can someone start incorporating benign masochism into their life?
Start small by exposing yourself to minor discomforts in a controlled way. For example, try eating a spicier dish than usual, taking a cold shower, or engaging in a challenging workout. While doing these activities, focus on the feelings they provoke and how you respond. The goal is to observe the discomfort and shift your perspective to see if there is a form of pleasure or satisfaction hidden within the experience. Over time, this practice can help you reframe how you handle more significant life challenges.
Why does pain hurt more when it’s unexpected?
Pain tends to hurt more when it’s unexpected because we aren’t mentally prepared to face it. When we expect discomfort, our minds can brace for the impact, allowing us to handle the experience more calmly. This is why people who work out regularly anticipate and tolerate muscle soreness. By incorporating benign masochism into our lives, we can learn to expect and manage discomfort, reducing its emotional impact.
What are some everyday examples of benign masochism?
Everyday examples of benign masochism include activities like:
– Watching horror movies: Finding thrill in fear while knowing we’re safe.
– Eating spicy foods: Enjoying the sensation of heat and the challenge it brings.
– Exercising: Pushing through physical pain to experience the satisfaction of a workout.
– Listening to sad music: Allowing ourselves to feel sadness in a way that is cathartic and soothing.
– Challenging puzzles or games: Engaging in mentally taxing activities that provide a sense of accomplishment.
These experiences allow us to encounter discomfort in a manageable way, helping us become more resilient.
Isn’t it unhealthy to seek pleasure in discomfort or pain?
It depends on the context and extent. Seeking pleasure in discomfort through benign masochism is about embracing minor, safe challenges to build resilience and enrich life. It’s not about seeking out harm or self-destructive behavior. When done in moderation, this practice can enhance our emotional regulation and provide a more balanced perspective on life’s difficulties.
How does benign masochism differ from simply “conquering your fears”?
Benign masochism is less about conquering fears and more about finding enjoyment in controlled unpleasant experiences. While conquering fears involves overcoming a significant obstacle, benign masochism is about changing our perception of discomfort, allowing us to approach experiences with curiosity rather than resistance. It’s a mindset shift rather than a test of courage.
Can benign masochism help us find meaning in suffering?
Yes, benign masochism can help us find meaning in suffering by teaching us that discomfort is not inherently negative. By willingly embracing minor discomforts, we learn to tolerate and even appreciate life’s inevitable challenges. This practice fosters a more compassionate and open attitude toward our own suffering, allowing us to explore its potential growth and meaning.
Why do we resist experiences that we know will be uncomfortable?
We resist discomfort because our natural instinct is to avoid pain and seek pleasure. This is rooted in the brain’s survival mechanism, which is designed to protect us from harm. However, not all discomfort is dangerous. By reframing our relationship with discomfort through benign masochism, we can learn to experience it in a safe way and, in some cases, enjoyable.
How can the mindset of benign masochism lead to a more fulfilled life?
The mindset of benign masochism can lead to a more fulfilled life by teaching us to embrace all facets of our experiences, including the unpleasant ones. When we stop avoiding discomfort and start finding value in it, we open ourselves up to a broader range of life experiences. This approach allows us to build emotional resilience, find joy in unexpected places, and navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease.