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Embracing Responsibility in Every Yes and No
I have a choice in everything that I do. That choice comes with a responsibility. Whenever I say yes to something, I’m devoted to that thing. It doesn’t matter what that thing is. It has become my responsibility to fulfill whatever “yes” is. Part of being mature is being dedicated to what I agree with. In a sense, it’s an accountability to myself to live the life I choose without fault to anyone else.
Reframing Decision-Making
Sometimes, I regret my decision. Typically, this occurs when I don’t agree with what I’ve said “yes” to. This is due to trying to please another person at a detriment to myself. It’s saying “yes” when I want to say “no.” People-pleasing tendencies have made me regret my decision as I act upon it, but I feel resentful afterward. Yet, even though the intention is wrong, I’m still responsible for that agreement. It’s helpful then to reframe what yes and no mean. “No” isn’t a negation but a giving away of responsibility. To say “no” is to say I won’t be responsible for something I don’t agree with. In this regard, I think it makes decision-making easier and maintains much-needed accountability for my decisions.
No is a Choice. Yes is a Responsibility.
Saying “yes” is only the beginning of a new journey. Some may treat a “yes” as an accomplishment, forgoing the responsibility one has after saying “yes.” If I don’t take action on what I’ve agreed to, my agreement means very little. It doesn’t mean I have to force success because I said “yes.” The outcome means very little as well. It does, however, mean that I know I won’t have peace if I say “yes” to something and do nothing about it.
A good example of this may be asking someone out on a date. If I like a person, my “yes” is that person, but if I don’t act on that “yes,” I will regret what could have been if I had just talked to her. I’d rather be rejected than never have the opportunity at all. Shakespeare said it best. “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
Saying “Yes” When It’s a “No”
The same accountability applies to the opposite of saying “no.” By saying no, I am saying that I don’t agree with what needs to be done. Yet if I say “yes” when I mean “no,” I burden myself with the responsibility I’ve now taken on. This is the idea of sacrifice. I’m doing something I don’t want to do to make someone else happy. Typically, this motive is still selfish because I always seek something in return. If I don’t receive something in return, I blame the person when I took on the responsibility. Saying “yes” to something I don’t agree with does little to my well-being as I am not only stuck with the responsibility of acting out the “yes” but also resent the thing or the person I didn’t agree with.
The odd thing about life is that I say “yes” more than “no.” I can’t agree with everything that comes my way, yet I do many things I don’t agree with. These agreements have little to do with me but my perceived need to be liked by my peers. Again, I return to the need for belonging. I still must ask myself, if a loved one forced me to do something I did not want to do, does this person truly love me? Wouldn’t this person love me regardless of my actions? Do I truly belong if my actions condition the love given to me? If no is not an option, are they even asking me? If I know the answers to these questions, why give up my autonomy? I’m responsible for my decisions, so I shouldn’t let others decide.
Questions and Responses
Why is saying “yes” considered a responsibility?
Saying “yes” is the beginning of a commitment. It implies taking responsibility for the actions, outcomes, and obligations tied to the decision. Without action, the “yes” loses its meaning, often leading to regret or unfulfilled promises.
How can reframing “no” help with decision-making?
Reframing “no” as a conscious release of responsibility helps clarify priorities. It allows individuals to avoid commitments they don’t agree with and maintain accountability to themselves rather than succumbing to external pressures.
What causes regret after saying “yes”?
Regret often stems from saying “yes” to please others, especially when it conflicts with personal values or desires. This creates resentment, as the individual feels trapped in an unwanted responsibility.
How can accountability improve decision-making?
Accountability ensures that every decision aligns with personal values and goals. By understanding the weight of each choice, individuals can navigate life with integrity and self-respect.
What role does people-pleasing play in decision-making?
People-pleasing can lead to agreeing with things you don’t genuinely support, sacrificing your autonomy. Over time, this behavior can harm well-being and relationships, as actions driven by obligation often lack sincerity.
How can one balance personal desires with social responsibilities?
Balancing personal desires with social responsibilities involves clear communication and setting boundaries. It’s important to prioritize commitments that align with your values while respectfully declining those that don’t.