The funny part about our judgments is that most don’t come from us. Many of our opinions are inherent in our culture. Before we could think for ourselves, we had years of people telling others what they should value. We learn from other people what to accept and what to reject. This is called culture. When discussing regional or company culture, we often refer to whether we share the same views as those around us. As a result, we learn what’s good and bad based on rewards and punishments through the media, as well as different religious traditions and national identities. By the time we can form our own opinions, other judgments will already have been made. We don’t call or refer to opinions, though. We like to refer to them as preferences, values, and standards. They are all the same.

The detrimental part of cultural norms is that we internalize more negativity than the more positive aspects of culture. Throughout our school careers, we envision what it means to be successful and strive to follow the script provided to achieve this success, all while fearing failure. We close ourselves off in our emotions because we are afraid to show emotion.

All of these preconceived notions created a dichotomy with them, which ultimately contributed to my success in the MBA program. The person on the corner can do it if I can. They aren’t living up to their potential. My perceived success is the perfect example of blaming someone for their lack of success. We start to see how these cultural norms easily turn into personal attacks. It’s a hard habit to break because we often believe that popular opinions are universally correct, when in fact, this is not the case at all.

Popular Opinions

In this world, there is no such thing as objectivity. Everyone lives a subjective life with different experiences, and no one’s experience can be compared to another’s. We even consider statistics a universal truth, even though there’s no such thing as 100%. There will be no case where a research paper will say 100% are the same. Yet, when we read a report that says 70% of people do this or that, it’s good enough to generalize everyone.

These popular opinions are then reinforced by the advertisements we see and the algorithm curating our social media. If everyone agrees, then it must be true. That’s the point. There is no such thing as truth, only agreements we’ve made. We all had to agree that 1 + 1 = 2 for it to be true. And so we judge each other on our differences because we think we are the ones who are “right.”

The Fear of Not Belonging

We accept our culture’s judgments because of the fear of ostracization. Even if we don’t agree with the culture, we will still uphold its tenets because we are afraid to be alone. The herd must be part of a group; we must adopt the group’s values completely. One task goes to work, gets their work done, and goes home. No, to be part of its established corporation, you must adhere to its rules and regulations, as well as its culture. As a result, we mock what our peers mock, we fear what our peers fear, and we reject what our peers reject. We don’t judge because of thoughtful intention. We judge because the judgment of those who are not like us has the incentive of safety.

Cultural conditioning prevents us from seeing who we truly are. Everyone tends to view the world through the lens of stereotypes, even if they refuse to admit it. We shame parts of ourselves that others find offensive, suppress desires that may not align with high standards, and look down on those who fall outside the group’s story to ensure that we aren’t seen as less than. Only the culture can tell us what enough looks like. It turns out that we consistently fail to reach this definition.

Company Culture

I’ve started not to care much for culture at all. That wasn’t the case when I was looking for jobs. Culture was one of my top criteria, but I’ve since discovered that when I joined a culture I thought I enjoyed, the company only gave an appearance of it. I didn’t realize that a company culture that portrays itself as a family was a red flag until I joined a company that did just that. I thought the positioning of family meant unconditional love, acceptance, and belonging. Instead, it was unconditional obedience to authority. It was a love conditional on one’s output. Any hint of praise one day can easily turn into admonishment the next day. As soon as you stop delivering, you’re relegated to an ugly stepchild. What should one have expected? It’s business, and even love is transactional.

Words on a Website

I joined these companies based on the information available on their websites. I prioritized the values that I thought aligned with my own. It took some time to realize that the values posted on a website are merely marketing. I saw words like “innovation”, “collaboration”, and “integrity”, but once I got inside the company, I saw no such thing.

I found a lack of innovation, not necessarily in technology, but in the willingness to think outside the box. Collaboration was forced, and in some cases, I’ve been lied to about the job I was taking from the very beginning. Values haven’t been values at all, but mere slogans. No different than the words Coca-Cola uses to sell soda. The worst part about these values is that, despite not being followed, they are still used as a measurement to judge. It’s still up to the employee to prove how much they align with nonexistent values.

A company claims to empower its employees, yet it operates like any other hierarchy. Those who have the voices can be found in the C-suite. Those at the bottom of the pyramid receive the illusion of participation. Sure, you’re encouraged to speak up, but only if you say the right things. It’s not surprising how much the school system pervades into work, yet it’s almost like we mask the reality of what we are doing here as well. Now, when I hear the need to build a strong culture, it’s more of a dog whistle to mean stronger compliance.

More Than Just Work

Passion for the company is mandatory. It’s not enough to do your job. You must also show enthusiasm for the mission and the people you work with. Good work means nothing if you’re not engaged with group chats or happy hours. It’s almost offensive if you are not passionate about what you do. However, we work in a system that renders people disposable. The most passionate person in the room is still susceptible to layoffs. The same culture that praises an employee can also fire them if they’re not meeting their quarterly numbers. It’s almost as if loyalty is expected of the employee, but the same loyalty is subject to reciprocation.

Slowly, but surely, the culture changes the person from their authentic self. It becomes a thick layer on reality. This only occurs because we are afraid to be judged by our colleagues. The culture asks us to shrink into a box that is manageable for other people without consideration for the person being asked to change. Culture, in the main, wants us to cloud our authenticity. That’s not totally true. Culture allows you to be authentic, provided it approves of it. In my job search, I sought a place that aligns with my values, rather than just a workplace where I can do good work and feel a sense of belonging, regardless of values. I’m not really sure if this place exists.

Questions and Responses