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Creating a Culture of Partnership Instead of Domination
If you have been following my blog, I think you can easily catch on to my disdain for systems with hierarchical structures. Due to these structures, we slowly kill ourselves as we tend to conform to a dominating power. It kills our autonomy, it kills our creativity, and it kills our sense of self. It’s no surprise that the way we work seems to be a primary cause of this slow death. With my experience, I’ve started to realize why.
I’m reading a wonderful book that I believe everyone should read at least once. It’s called The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future. It’s a short read, but pretty powerful. In the book, Riane Eisler eloquently makes the distinction between cultures built in partnership and those built in domination. From our perspective on history, we’ve only known civilizations based on domination because we are only taught about power, conquer, and violence. We are tested on the War of 1812, but never of times of peace. As a result, all of our systems from school to work to the family are built on the masculine ideal of power. Every relationship we participate in holds some form of power dynamic. Eisler goes further into the past to unearth a more feminine civilization that features egalitarianism.
Domination
Like we always do at this time, let’s define the difference between a domination culture and a partnership culture. The domination culture assumes that power is needed for civilization to function. There must be a leader and there must be followers to follow that leader. It starts in the family where parents assume leadership over the child and the child is expected to be an unquestioned loyalist. Every relationship further has dominant/submissive roles; older sibling and younger sibling, teacher and student, manager and subordinate, group leader and a person trying to fit in.
With these dynamics, few people gain and lose power based on subjectivity like merit and seniority while others are supposed to submit to either their ruling or societal cache. New leaders are then created out of being tired of subjugation, the violence of revolution occurs, and the revolutionary becomes the new oppressor. The cycle continues.
If you think I am being overzealous think about the 1970s hippy rebel who has a mortgage to pay today, or the coordinator who consistently complains about leadership only wanting to be promoted into the same system he complains about. In this world, we are consistently divided between people who are like us and those who are not. Someone must be right and someone else is wrong. There’s good and evil with each side believing that they are on the side of good. The struggle between the two lasts forever as both sides see each other as enemies. Power is a scarce resource.
Partnership
In contrast, a culture of partnership comes with the values of mutual respect and dignity. There is no need for things such as hierarchy or leadership as everyone involved works for the well-being of everyone. There is no need for laws as everyone cares for everyone in a way that safety is prioritized. Any type of control or force is a form of violence because control kills the spirit. It’s no wonder why we suffer in our institutions. In our society, this idea is essentially nonexistent because we don’t have any examples of this type of culture succeeding. We don’t even think this type of society can exist or has existed in our distant past.
It’s kind of wild (or maybe it’s not) that the description of a partnership culture is so short. We only know and are taught a culture of discipline, materialism, and hierarchy. Everywhere we turn in the modern world, this holds. As a consequence of unconsciously conforming to this type of domination, we deal with judgment from peers and those whom we perceive to be higher ranking, inequality, shame, guilt, discrimination, marginalization, and fear of alienation and punishment if we, at some, point decide to plug out of the matrix.
A Learned Behavior?
People might say that this is human nature, but I’m of the mindset that masculinity is a learned behavior. Rules, regulations, and hierarchy have to be learned. A baby, regardless of sexual orientation, comes out crying, but it’s up to the parent to teach the boy that it’s unacceptable. It’s up to the parent to teach the child the rules of society. If our customs and norms were human nature, there wouldn’t be a need for anyone to teach “right from wrong.” We wouldn’t need government to enforce human nature. In the book, Eisler goes back in time to reveal that partnership was the norm. We would never know as history is written by the victor. In partnership, there is no winner because there is no competition.
History and Myth
Not to give the full book away, but Eisler argues that there were 30,000 years in which men and women lived and worked in harmony, highlighted by a more female orientation of the idea of God. This might offend the religious people of our day. However, if myth serves as a metaphor for our history then Eisler’s argument seems plausible. Religion during our history has been inherently patriarchal. The dominant religions of our day (Judaism and Christianity) teach that women’s subjugation to men was a curse made as a consequence of the first man and woman’s disobedience. The curse changed the idea of God as a being in partnership with humans, as God was with Adam and Eve, to a ruling old man in the sky sitting on a throne.
It comes as such hypocrisy when it comes to Christianity that if we are truly free from this mistake (the ideology of Jesus Christ as savior), why do we still perpetuate the consequences, especially in the Western world where Christianity tends to be the dominant religion? It seems like the idea of partnership was just as short in time as the amount of words used to reference it in the Bible. It’s no wonder that we’ve forgotten about it. It seems like people use these verses as an excuse to dominate.
The Masculine Urge to Conquer
As we do know, the majority (if not all) of conquerors have been men. The idea of Manifest Destiny, for example, was the idea that it was God’s will for America to conquer the entire continent of North America from east to west. Guess what that led to? If your answer was disharmony in the forms of wars and genocide, you’d be correct. Referencing a monarch, the King of Kings instead of the Being walking with man and woman in a garden of perfection is preferable to the one who wants to dominate.
Where Do We Go From Here?
We know that the culture of domination permeates all of our systems and institutions. These are the systems that revolutionaries rally to break. As we’ve seen throughout history, only new forms of oppression pop up in its place. The only thing we can do is be intentional about creating relationships in which partnership is the intention.
I wish I could say that things could change, but people will still try to control, people will still try to manipulate, and people will still try to shame you into doing the things that benefit them at a cost to you. The programming is deeply engrained and only awareness can unravel it.
We have to give ourselves another way of living. We must provide examples proving that mutual respect and dignity a possible lifestyles. I don’t know about you, but I don’t appreciate it when someone tells me or forces me to do something. I’m much like a teenager trying to understand what kind of authority one has over me, and rebelling because I care not of it. At the same time, I love giving gifts. Gifts are freely given based on my heart. When gifts are expected, they no longer become gifts. This is probably why I deeply loathe the idea of work. I’m expected to do things whereas I’d love to give my experience and knowledge as gifts. If I don’t feel like I’m working with a colleague in partnership, I feel oppressed. Who else can relate?
Questions and Responses
Why do hierarchical systems feel oppressive?
Hierarchical systems often feel oppressive because they are built on domination, where power is concentrated at the top and those below are expected to follow without question. This power dynamic stifles autonomy, creativity, and individuality. It fosters environments of control, subjugation, and competition, leading to feelings of oppression and disempowerment.
What is the difference between domination culture and partnership culture?
Domination culture is based on power dynamics, where there is a clear hierarchy, and authority is exercised through control and subjugation. In contrast, partnership culture values mutual respect, collaboration, and equality. It rejects the need for leaders and followers, emphasizing cooperation and shared well-being over power struggles.
Can a partnership-based society really exist?
A partnership-based society can exist, though it’s rare in modern times due to the dominance of hierarchical systems. History suggests that egalitarian societies have existed, as noted in The Chalice and the Blade by Riane Eisler. Such societies are built on shared respect, dignity, and cooperation without the need for force or control, proving that partnership cultures are not just theoretical.
Why do some people believe hierarchical systems are human nature?
Many believe hierarchical systems are human nature because they have been ingrained in society for centuries through education, religion, and government structures. However, hierarchy and domination are learned behaviors, not inherent. From childhood, we are taught rules, regulations, and societal norms that reinforce power dynamics. Without this conditioning, partnership-based interactions may be more natural.
How does the concept of power divide people in a domination culture?
In a domination culture, power is seen as a scarce resource, leading to competition and division. People are pitted against one another, creating a “winner vs. loser” mindset. This divide fosters a perpetual struggle where one side seeks control while the other resists, fueling ongoing conflict and preventing the possibility of mutual understanding or collaboration.
What role does history and religion play in promoting hierarchical systems?
History and religion have both played significant roles in promoting hierarchical systems. Dominant historical narratives often focus on power, conquest, and violence, while religions, particularly patriarchal ones, emphasize male dominance and subjugation of women. These narratives shape societal structures, reinforcing the idea that power and hierarchy are essential to civilization, even though alternative partnership-based systems have existed in the past.
How can we begin to shift from domination to partnership in our daily lives?
Shifting from domination to partnership begins with self-awareness and intentionality in relationships. Rather than seeking to control or compete, focus on mutual respect and collaboration. Be mindful of power dynamics and strive to create environments where everyone’s voice is valued. This shift can start small, within personal and professional interactions, and expand as more people adopt partnership values.
Why do revolutions often fail to dismantle oppressive systems?
Revolutions often fail to dismantle oppressive systems because they replace one form of domination with another. While the leaders of a revolution may have good intentions, the focus on overthrowing power usually leads to the creation of new hierarchical structures, perpetuating the same cycle of oppression. True change requires a shift in mindset from domination to partnership, not just a change in leadership.
What is the role of masculine and feminine energies in domination and partnership cultures?
Masculine energy in domination cultures is often associated with control, conquest, and competition, while feminine energy in partnership cultures represents nurturing, cooperation, and equality. Both energies exist within all people, but hierarchical systems typically prioritize masculine traits. Shifting to a partnership culture involves balancing these energies, embracing both collaboration and strength without the need for dominance.
How can we promote partnership cultures in modern institutions?
Promoting partnership cultures in modern institutions requires rethinking leadership, decision-making, and power distribution. Encourage collaboration, open dialogue, and shared responsibility. Flatten hierarchies where possible, ensuring that everyone’s input is valued. Focus on building environments of trust, respect, and equality rather than control, competition, or fear.