To control an outcome is to try to control the unknown. We believe that if we don’t create the conditions for perfection, perfection won’t occur. As a result, we infer that perfection is something we can receive in the future. While believing that our peace, love, and happiness are somewhere in days, months, and years unknown, we dismiss the wholeness that is around us right now. Since we cannot predict or understand the future, we must focus on controlling what we can in the present.

Control is caused by limitation. Since our brains are too narrow to perceive the unknown, we typically fear what’s not known simply because we don’t know it. If we were to be psychological, we could determine that all fear stems from a lack of understanding. The biggest fear of them all is the fear of death because even though we have belief systems of heaven, angels, and trumpet sounding, no one can tell us for certain what happens when we die. Therefore, we strive to control what we can by measuring, defining, and continually improving. If we can’t do these three things, we find it without value and push it towards the margins. The mind wants to believe that the highest form of thought is logic, but when has life ever been logical?

We Don’t Trust You

The reason why we need to control the things we do control is due to a lack of trust. The employee believes that if I stop managing this project, everything will fall apart. This belief undermines the people she works with, as she lacks trust in them to fulfill their responsibilities. She believes that she’s the only one she can trust, but there’s a dual reason for this as well. She’s afraid. She’s afraid of the uncertainty of working with others, afraid to make a mistake, and afraid that she won’t be recognized if she puts in effort on the project.

This fear becomes the basis of control that reaches far beyond the workplace. Not only do we ensure that we control the outcome, but we also have to control the people so that the outcome meets our expectations. The more we control, the less likely it is that we will have a genuine relationship with these same people.

Every form of control is an argument with what is. We put ourselves in opposition to what is in front of us, hoping to refine it while simultaneously rejecting it. Perfection is a project, and with just the right inputs, we can create perfection in our image. The problem with this need for improvement is that the more we try to force life into our inner blueprint, the more we are disconnected from what life is. Life allows us to explore the unknown that we are so afraid of, but control rejects the invitation every single time.

We often fail to see things for what they truly are. We don’t see a person in front of us; we see their potential. Instead of understanding how people work, we see their inefficiencies. We like to think that sense of control gives us safety, power, and responsibility, but it also gives us anxiety. This isn’t an even tradeoff. It’s no different than watching a medicine commercial to see all the benefits, but once they list off all the side effects, they’re sitting there wondering why one would even take the pill.

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