As an introvert, I’m pretty envious of people who can walk into the room and be the life of the party. They can call on so many people who know their name because they have thriving relationships. As I grow older, I’m starting to question whether I can do the same thing and whether being an introvert is even a factor. Relationship experts would say that the people who always smile do so not because of their personality, but because of their relationship with themselves. They thrive in relationships because their love for themself is pure.

None of my relationships are detrimental. I’m not jealous, and I don’t fight with others while also saying that I love him/her. We can use these examples as the other end of the spectrum. I feel as though this article will help those who identify as toxic. These people don’t have a healthy relationships with themselves. They don’t know their true self and look outward for validation.

This is why relationships are important. They allow you to see things in yourself you’d probably see if you were single. Think about any situation you’ve been in the past. You get with a significant other. It’s all roses for a bit because you two are in love. All of a sudden, there’s a bunch of hatred and arguing. He/she then leaves you.

If you truly listen to the relationship, you’d realize that you’re a selfish person. Relationships are built on sharing. When conflict arises, you must put pride aside and come up with a way to resolve the conflict. If you’re not willing to make a compromise, it’s easy to say you’re not happy. Instead of finding happiness in the relationship, you should find it from within.

Finding Love from Within

The health of a relationship is determined by where the individuals find happiness. Some people use the relationship as a barometer of being happy. Some people say, “I won’t be happy until I find my soulmate.” If a person seeks another person to “complete” them, trouble ensues because there’s an unfair expectation on the other party. It is no one’s job, but your own to make you happy.

The partner that doesn’t love him/herself becomes needy. This neediness becomes more of a leech that tries to suck fulfillment out of the other person. If the other partner doesn’t reciprocate neediness, then the situation turns from love to resentment and from resentment to arguing.

In order for a relationship to work, the two parties must come from a place where they’ve surpassed low self-esteem. The partners should know self-love and have that love translate into love for one another. These two people then add value to the relationship, not seek affection.

My advice for you is to look within the next time you see yourself in a bad relationship. Don’t look at how someone’s wrong, but look at how you can make a change in your life. It could be that the hurt that you feel could be made up of your own insecurities. Deal with your own issues of jealousy, bitterness, and fear. Only then will you start to have more fulfilling relationships.