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Why Romantic Comedies Mislead Us About Love
The desire for change based on incomplete information is a common trope in romantic comedies. The main character begins their story with a flaw. She might not be too pretty, awkward, or too career-focused to find a lover. He might be too masculine to surrender to the love of a woman, or not successful in comparison to another guy. This perceived flaw sets up the essential plot of the movie. To be loved, I must change. This sets up the interpretation of love being conditional on the belief that if I can edit the undesirable parts of me, romance will find me.
In Need of a Makeover
Many of our favorite rom-coms like She’s All That, The Princess Diaries, and Pretty Woman lean into the myth that one needs to be made over to find love. The protagonist in this type of movie is often portrayed as completely undesirable, and it’s only when she undergoes a complete makeover—new hair, new clothes, and a completely new posture —that she becomes worthy of a man. The irony is that throughout this external change, the audience is expected to cheer on this new makeover as though it were the truth. The movie never teaches women (for the most part) that their inherent worth was always there.
Pretending to Be Someone Else
There’s another genre of romantic comedy that revolves around finding love by pretending to be someone else. This theme can be found in movies like While You Were Sleeping, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, and Aladdin. The characters in these movies believe they must change their entire identities to achieve what they want. Especially in a children’s cartoon like Aladdin, the notion is given that you are not lovable as you are.
These movies end with a payoff where the protagonist finally realizes they are worthy and doesn’t need to be anyone else to prove it. It doesn’t necessarily change the tension that was building up from the first 90 minutes of the film. The belief that love is conditional. The moral to any of these stories is that perfection was always there.
The audience may know it. Even the love interest may be aware of it. Even so, the protagonist doesn’t realize her perfection until she sees it within herself. The issue with the movie is that perfection is perceived through the eyes of another person. The protagonist may not see her perfection if she’s not able to get the guy. This moral isn’t just limited to romantic comedies, but serves as a valuable lesson for life. We shouldn’t have to be someone else to be loved. The attainment of another person shouldn’t be the evidence.
Questions and Responses
Why do so many romantic comedies focus on makeovers or identity changes?
Romantic comedies lean into visual transformation because it creates drama and a big reveal. But underneath, they reflect a cultural belief that love is conditional, and we must change ourselves to be worthy of it.
Are makeover-themed rom-coms harmful?
Not entirely, but they can send mixed messages. While entertaining, they often reinforce the myth that self-worth depends on external validation, instead of teaching that love comes from embracing who you already are.
Do rom-com protagonists ever learn they don’t need to change?
Yes! Many end with the character realizing their true value was there all along. The “happy ending” often comes once they accept themselves and drop the façade.
What’s the difference between makeover rom-coms and identity-switch rom-coms?
Rom-coms often focus on external changes (such as hair, clothes, and appearance). Identity-switch rom-coms, like Aladdin or While You Were Sleeping, deal with pretending to be someone else entirely. Both push the idea that love is earned by transformation.
What lesson should audiences really take away from these stories?
The real takeaway is that love isn’t conditional. True connection happens when you embrace your authentic self, not when you perform or alter who you are to fit someone else’s expectations.
Why do we still love these stories despite their flaws?
Because they’re fun, relatable, and give us hope. Even if the message is imperfect, audiences enjoy the journey of seeing characters find love—and often, find themselves in the process.