In order to foster a deeper relationship with just about anyone, vulnerability is key. That might be the reason why I haven’t done to well in different relationships. Vulnerability is easy when it comes to writing and reflecting, but I do feel like I have a wall that can be hard to penetrate when it comes to others. One thing that I’m working towards is being my authentic self. That can’t be true if I’m not freely talking about my feelings and thoughts.

What is Vulnerability?

Before we can be vulnerable, we have to define what vulnerability is. Vulnerability is the willingness to show emotion and weakness. It’s the total opposite of what society tells us. We must be cool, calm and collected. Any showing of emotion is seen as a weakness.

Dating in your 30s is hard. Mostly because any interaction with someone new means you have to kind of chisel your way to a vulnerable topic. I get annoyed with the surface level conversation of what do you do and how many siblings do you have. I feel like throughout the conversation I’m looking for something that would bring down the wall, but both of us have them up. The gender norm for a guy is to not be vulnerable. When I have something deep to reveal, the common notion is that the other person doesn’t want to be my therapist. So, I’m stuck with this superficial conversation.

Vulnerability is the thing that opens up communication. It allows people to connect on a deeper level. It grows understanding, which helps grow empathy. It’s crucial for all of our relationships. So, why are we so concerted in hiding ourselves, even in our relationships.

Holding on to your emotions and weaknesses is a form of protection. I get that. No one wants their heart broken. At the same time, going into a relationship that bond can easily be broken. I can easily not to most of the dates that I’ve been on because I don’t have that connection to want to learn more about that other person. It’s just easier to just go our separate ways.

The Fear to Love

Vulnerability isn’t our natural state. I was actually say being conservative when it comes to our feelings is our default. For whatever reason, we have to get comfortable and we associate that comfortability with the amount of time spent with each other. I don’t think that’s always true. I think being comfortable with a new friend can be easy as telling them how you really feel. The reason why we don’t is fear; fear of judgement and rejection.

The first step in being more vulnerable with others is being vulnerable with ourselves. We can’t tell others our truths when we don’t even tell ourselves the truth. If we yearn to pretend to be something that we are not, that is who we are going to portray to the outside world. Sometimes we can’t do that by ourselves and we need someone to talk to about the fears that we have. That might be the best topic of discussion if you want to be vulnerable with someone else. Tell me about your fears.