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There’s No Such Thing As Good Behavior
The idea of good and bad are subjective. So, what in theory is good behavior, when good and bad typically change depending on the purpose. When it comes to a toddler, good behavior allows their parent to have peace. However, if the baby is crying this inconveniences the parent and now the baby’s behavior is bad. By this example, we can define good behavior as behavior that is convenient to the other experiencing it.
The Subjectivity of Good
By definition, good behavior doesn’t exist without objectivity. I was in a class where the professor was angry because a student didn’t address her by her title of Dr. or Professor. Is the student acting up because he failed to address her in the way she wanted to be addressed? What does a title mean to me who is not a professor? We all have unique boundaries based on unique experiences. This means we have different ideas of what is acceptable and what is not. If one employee finds value in working long hours and finding productivity during any time off and another prioritizes a work-life balance, which one is exhibiting decent behavior? The company would say that the employee working long hours behaves well because it benefits the company.
Sometimes, individual preferences transcend the individual and become part of the collective. Even in this case is the definition of good behavior objective. The idea of morality changes all the time. They change between different relationships, communities, and cultures. Extroversion is valued in the United States, but if you go to an Asian country the energy is not as welcomed. What may be okay with you, maybe disrespectful to another. It comes to the point where even saying a word is acceptable in one context, but not in another.
Understanding is More Important
An interesting truth is that the more we understand the people in our lives, the more we tend to overlook what we perceive to be bad behavior. We go on social media all the time to discourage a stranger’s actions all the time. Yet, if a loved one portrays the same projection, we are much more easy to forgive. It’s very difficult to have a cordial conversation with someone on the opposite end of the political spectrum, but can easily have Thanksgiving with our uncle of the same party. The same thing happens when we get roasted by our friends and laugh because know that there is no malice. If a stranger says the same thing, a fight can ensue.
What if we were to give this sense of understanding to all people instead of tailoring our idea of good behavior to certain people? It almost seems as though judging good behaviors in others is a form of narcissism because it only takes into account how we feel when others behave. I’m not saying that we should remove our boundaries, but we should try to empathize with the person who we perceive is causing us harm. If a baby is crying in a restaurant, no one is going to take a fork and stab the baby. Even though it might cross some people’s minds. We know that the baby has no choice in the matter. It too is reacting to its environment. Can we extend that compassion to others?
I used to have a neighbor who would play Call of Duty late into the night. I can hear him talking to other players in Spanish. Bro was very loud. I couldn’t get to sleep. At first, this bothered me, but once I heard the joy with which the guy was playing, I was able to find other practices to fall asleep without feeling as though this man was behaving poorly toward me. I could have easily called security, but what good has that done? It would just have caused greater conflict with my neighbor.
In embracing this subjectivity, we can humanize our interactions and foster a more inclusive and empathetic society, where differences are respected and understood rather than judged. Ultimately, good behavior is less about adhering to a universal code and more about nurturing relationships through mutual respect and understanding.
Questions and Responses
What does it mean that “good” and “bad” behavior are subjective?
It means that good and bad behavior aren’t fixed rules—they change depending on who’s watching. What one person sees as good behavior could feel completely different to someone else. For example, a baby crying might be bad for the parent who’s exhausted but totally normal for the baby, who’s just expressing a need.
How does the situation influence what we see as good behavior?
Context is everything! What’s considered polite or good in one setting might be rude somewhere else. For example, in the U.S., being outgoing is often celebrated, but in some cultures, like in parts of Asia, being quieter and more reserved is seen as better behavior. It all depends on where you are and who you’re with.
Is there any behavior that’s always good or always bad?
Not really, because people have different standards based on their experiences, cultures, and beliefs. What might be completely acceptable to one person could be offensive to another. Even within a single group, there can be disagreements about what’s right or wrong, showing how much behavior is influenced by perspective.
Why do we tend to let bad behavior slide with people we know better?
We cut people we care about more slack because we understand them. If a friend or family member says something off-color, we’re more likely to laugh it off because we know they don’t mean any harm. But if a stranger says the same thing, it’s easy to feel offended. Familiarity helps us give others the benefit of the doubt.
How can I be more understanding of people who act in ways that bother me?
It helps to remember that everyone has their own reasons for acting the way they do. Instead of immediately getting annoyed, try putting yourself in their shoes. Maybe they’re just having a tough day, or they see things differently. That loud neighbor might be annoying, but maybe they’re just really excited about their game. Finding empathy helps us react with more patience.
Why do we often think of good behavior as behavior that’s convenient for us?
It’s natural to view behavior as “good” when it makes our lives easier. If someone’s actions are helpful or pleasant, we appreciate it and call it good. But when those actions inconvenience us, like when someone’s being loud when we want quiet, we’re quick to label it as bad. It’s all about how it impacts us in the moment.
Can we really have a universal idea of good behavior?
It’s hard to imagine a universal rule for good behavior because people and cultures are so different. What works for one group might not work for another. Instead of trying to come up with one-size-fits-all rules, we can focus on being respectful and open-minded toward others’ experiences and perspectives.
How does empathy change the way we see good and bad behavior?
When we’re empathetic, we stop judging people so quickly and start seeing their behavior through their eyes. It’s easier to forgive or understand actions that might bother us when we realize there’s often more to the story. Empathy softens our reactions and allows us to respond with more kindness.
Why is it better to understand behavior instead of just labeling it?
Labeling someone’s behavior as good or bad is quick and easy, but it doesn’t really help us connect with them. When we take the time to understand why someone’s acting a certain way, we can have more meaningful interactions and avoid unnecessary conflicts. It helps build better relationships in the long run.
How can I apply this idea of subjective good behavior in everyday life?
Try to keep an open mind. If someone’s behavior bothers you, pause for a moment and consider their perspective. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything, but understanding where they’re coming from can help you respond in a way that’s more compassionate. Whether it’s with a coworker, neighbor, or stranger, empathy and patience can make all the difference in how you handle everyday situations.