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The Power of Praise for Ourselves and Others
One of the next steps in my healing journey is expressing love. I’m rereading things like The 5 Love Languages in the hopes that I can add these practices to everyone in my life. One of the major aspects of love expression is words of affirmation. Something I’m not very good at. Part of the reason was believing that I didn’t need any compliments. Clearly, I needed some form of appreciation. We all do. Simple words of praise can turn a bad day into a good one.
Compliments have been important to us since childhood. Words of affirmation from our parents affirm that we are headed in the right direction as we grow. One would hope that these praises aren’t conditional but given when the parent wants to point out the child’s inherent perfection through speech. That’s probably one of the reasons why compliments aren’t all that effective, at least from my perspective.
What do Compliments Do?
A compliment should show a genuine appreciation for another person. This means the compliment must be honest rather than using your words to butter up another person. It also means that we are complimenting them for their character. Complimenting someone on their looks or the clothes they wear aren’t compliments. In all honesty, they could be points of shame. “I like your jacket” could easily turn into “I wish I had your jacket.” It now puts value on a person because of an article of clothing.
One of my favorite books is How to Be an Adult in Relationships. In this book, the author talks about love being 5 A’s. One of those A’s is appreciation. To have an appreciation for another person, you have to pay attention. Another A focused on in the book. Paying attention is important because we want to create specific compliments. Saying that someone is good, nice, or kind isn’t helpful. It would be great to reference an event where the person you appreciate expresses love towards you or another person.
Give Compliments like Oprah Gives Out Cars
Our praise isn’t special. They should be freely given to everyone. One of the things I don’t like about The 5 Love Languages is that its advice is only regulated to married couples. Words of affirmation transcend romantic relationships. The same praise given to your significant other should go to the person you pass in the parking lot. When you have something nice to say, don’t be afraid to say it. Thinking your loving thoughts is enough, but seeing the other person smile based on your words is incredible.
Questions and Responses
Why are words of affirmation important in expressing love?
Words of affirmation are powerful because they provide emotional support, validation, and encouragement. Simple compliments or expressions of appreciation can uplift someone’s mood and strengthen relationships. These affirming words remind people that they are valued, seen, and loved for who they are, which is crucial for emotional well-being.
How do compliments affect us from childhood to adulthood?
Compliments in childhood, particularly from parents, help children develop self-esteem and confidence. As we grow, positive reinforcement affirms that we are on the right path. In adulthood, compliments continue to play a role in helping us feel appreciated, but they must focus on our character rather than superficial qualities, which can otherwise lead to feelings of inadequacy.
What makes a compliment genuine and effective?
A genuine compliment comes from paying attention to a person’s actions, qualities, or efforts, and recognizing them with sincerity. Compliments that focus on character, such as kindness, compassion, or hard work, are far more meaningful than surface-level remarks about appearance or material possessions. Specific, thoughtful compliments that highlight particular moments or traits are the most impactful.
Why are surface-level compliments like “I like your jacket” less meaningful?
Surface-level compliments often focus on material things or appearance, which can unintentionally place value on external factors rather than the person’s true worth. Compliments like “I like your jacket” can shift the focus to comparison or desire for what the other person has, rather than appreciating who they are. Genuine appreciation comes from recognizing inner qualities or meaningful actions.
How can we improve at giving meaningful compliments?
To give meaningful compliments, focus on being specific and paying attention to the person’s actions, personality, or emotional impact. Instead of generic praise like “You’re nice,” mention a specific moment where their kindness made a difference. This shows that you truly notice and value them, making your compliment more personal and impactful.