I feel like I’ve questioned everything from my diet to my spiritual life. I’ve always prioritized growth, but I can’t have growth without pain. That was truly evident these past couple of years.

Culture tells me to avoid pain. Even worse, it tells me that if I go through pain, then it was you who inflicted it. You must have done something wrong. You made a mistake, and I am now reaping the pain from your bad decision. I went from a good situation to a bad situation, and I blamed you. I ultimately realized that this cannot be true. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Pain is inevitable for everyone. If I’m not feeling pain, it ultimately means I’m not living life. When I struggle (not if), I know how to see the beauty in it. I want to find the good and the love in what I’m going through because it will help me out of it.

I think I can’t reflect on my pain until I no longer feel it. Sometimes, I may be relieved of pain without ever reflecting on what I could have learned. I go through without appreciating how resilient I was in the eye of the storm. I must do a better job of making sure that I give myself grace after going through something difficult. When I am sick, I am happy that the sore throat is gone and that I can finally breathe out of my nose. Why not do the same when I go through issues that involve mental and spiritual hurt?

Today is a unique time when three different holidays from three religions meet for a day of communion: Ramadan, Passover, and Easter. I bring this up because I tend to equate struggle with those who fled Egypt and found themselves in the wilderness on their path to the Promised Land. I’m sure each of these religions knows the story. There’s a point in the story where God senses poisonous snakes that bite and kid some of the people. To remedy these snakes, God tells Moses to create a bronze snack on a pole, and whoever gets bit by the snake will be healed if they look at the pole. The moral of the story for me is to look up to the good while going through a struggle. In most cases, the good is the very thing that is trying to kill me.

Strength from Pain

Sometimes, I want to forget the pain because it’s gone, but the memory makes me stronger. It reminds me of who I am and what I’ve gone through. The best thing that pain can do is shape who I am as a person. It shapes my character. That’s why I see those who come from poor beginnings to be humbler than those who’ve had money all their lives. Those who don’t go through such pain may come off as shallow. The best part about pain is that if it occurs once again, I’m better equipped because I have the experience to find strength in your struggle.

Be Humble

Another benefit of pain is that it humbles me. It makes me know that I am not in control. It pains me to tell this story, but my father was very healthy. I found books that he would read about eating whole foods. He would also use his treadmill to run each day. My dad would always talk about how young he was. He had a lot of pride in his health. That soon changed when he was diagnosed with cancer. That cancer diagnosis seemingly came out of nowhere. Even with him trying to control his health, cancer taught me that nothing is in my control. It’s a very humbling feeling.

I’m Not Exempt

Pain also helps me to empathize. While I was going through my mental struggle, my dad was also going through his physical struggle. Even with my dad having cancer, he always asked me how I was doing. He was able to put his pain aside to help me with mine. If I didn’t know if my dad truly loved me, I knew then. I would tell him what I was going through, and he would tell me what he was going through. At the end of my calls, I would take turns praying for each other.

I’m not exempt from pain. This should make me have compassion for my journey in life. Instead, I would rather not be vulnerable and fool people into believing that I am perfect. It shows me that we are all interconnected. Making a few different choices could have me on the street, so I give my money to the unhoused because it could easily be me. I wish I had shown this same empathy in my work relationships. It feels like once I walk into those doors or head on that Zoom call, my emotions don’t matter.

Giving Up Control

The best way I can go through my struggle and see the beauty of it is if I surrender to the struggle. The truth is pain is unpredictable. I can do whatever I want to be risk averse, but pain is going to come. I make plans, and God laughs at me. Instead of trying to predict what’s going to happen next, I must learn and readjust to my situation.

Life is not a map. It’s a compass. However, since I’m also in the dark, life is a flashlight where I can only see what is in front of me. There’s no right way to do anything. I shouldn’t worry about things going wrong because wrong is subjective. I should have faith that everything I do is working for my good. Do what I can, but most of it is out of my control. If I believe that, it’ll be easy to let go.

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