I think we’ve had a bit of a revolution regarding self-love. However, the self that we are championing to love is our ego. I’ve been searching the Internet for research on this topic and quickly found articles on why we should stop thinking about others and feel about ourselves. It comes with the intention that we don’t love ourselves enough and we should start focusing on our needs. One of those needs is love, but what if you are Love? Why would you need something that you are? For me, it’s easy to put myself last because I don’t need the validation of other people. Ironically, doubling down on self-love confirms the need for external validation by trying to become its opposite.

When we think of others, we typically don’t think of them in favorable terms. I’m guilty of this as well. Most of my thoughts come from the place of hurt. Negative rumination on how someone has treated me unfairly, or how someone has underestimated me. Our thoughts of other people, especially when times are hard, come in the form of judgments. This is the kind of thinking we can probably do without.

By engaging in self-reflection we understand that unconditional love starts from within, with the ability to love and accept oneself without judgment. – Melissa Hastings

If we don’t believe that someone has done us wrong, we tend to speculate on the potential to harm. Our minds tend to always go to the worst-case scenario, especially with people. Our judgments turn into character flaws. When we need to interact with these people, we tend to go over scenarios in our minds, believing that we are preparing for a particular outcome. In most cases, what happens in our minds doesn’t occur in real life. We haven’t truly learned this so, we continue to “prepare.”

The plot of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban revolves around Harry’s belief that a person named Sirius Black is out to get him. He’s labeled as a criminal who has escaped from Azkaban, or wizard prison. There are also rumors that Sirius was also the person who betrayed Harry’s parents, leading to their death. Harry and his friends are on high alert (or better to say in fear) throughout the book (and movie) awaiting Sirius’s attack.

It turns out that Sirius is actually Harry’s godfather and has been wrongly accused. We come to realize that Sirius is not the real villain of this story, but someone who has been trying to protect Harry from afar. Harry’s rumination of negativity against Sirius was completely misguided. His imagination brought him to the worst-case scenario when the complete opposite was true.

Is it possible to see people favorably just as we do when we are going through moments of pleasure? If our love is conditional, the answer is probably no. If our love is dependent on our expectations of a person and whether they exceed or fall short, the answer is probably no. Love isn’t an emotion, it’s an action. Like playing an instrument, or learning a new skill, love takes practice. If we can acknowledge that we are going through a trying time and still think of people favorably, we are doing the work. We are working out the muscle of love. It will hurt, but every repetition makes it easier and easier.

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