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Getting Comfortable with Contradictions
I’ve been completely enthralled with contradictions and paradoxes. Most of the time my brain has been trying to reconcile opposites. We don’t sit with contradictions for too long. If anything, we try to get rid of them when they come up. How can I receive joy from sadness? How is there life through death? We think the negative side of the spectrum is the obstacle, but I fully believe the quest to the positive is actually through the negative. Just like the quest for the prince to get to the princess involves danger, so does our goal for happiness. Yet, we typically try to parkour these opposites.
We believe that enlightenment, blessing, favor, success, or whatever you want to call it is an ascension. It’s when when we move up in life. The truth only lies in the paradox that you can only go as high as you’ve been humbled. Success is not a glamorous proposition, even though the effects of it are the only thing that gets marketed to us. No, success deals with long nights of wondering if this is what you are supposed to do. Nights of uncertainty, crying, and wondering if you should turn back to the road more traveled. The path to our happiness is a path of unknowing and ambiguity. It’s scary. Yet, we won’t ever know success until we know failure.
We treat the abyss as if it’s a negative place, but in this world, there is no such thing as negativity. Once we reconcile this opposite, we start to see that all types of failure, regret, and hardships are supportive. All things are happening for our good. Have you ever noticed that the most marginalized groups of people are the most supportive? You’ve never seen love and joy until you go to a pride parade or as much support as going to an AA meeting. Why? They know what it means to be pushed aside and treated as worthless. In this worthlessness, they see their inherent worth and treat others with that same perception. Is it any wonder that a person who lives a successful life without going through hardships to obtain it does not have that same type of empathy?
Embracing our paradoxes not only provides real insights into ourselves and allows for more self-acceptance, but it also increases our appreciation of everyone else’s surprising quirks and contradictions. – Marc Lesser
In nondualistic terms, there is no such thing as negativity. There is no sorrow, no evil, no triviality, and no anxiety. The issue is that we have a dualistic mind that cannot perceive this without practice. I hope that whenever we go through negativity, we dismiss its effects and see its necessity to move towards the opposite. Grief is necessary to realize how much we’ve loved. Sorrow is needed so that we don’t take joy for granted. Anxiety can be our catalyst for hope.
When we meet opposites, try not to quickly judge them so that we can forget. Sit with the opposites. Understand that one is necessary for the other. Be patient as the solution to these mysteries doesn’t come in an instant. It’s something that we have to work hard towards, but the more we do it, the easier it gets. We always want to be right. We always want to know. Once we realize that much of life is in the unknown, life gets a bit more exciting. Once we dive into the depths, we can start to see the light.
Questions and Responses
How can joy come from sadness?
Joy and sadness are two sides of the same coin. When we go through sadness, it deepens our appreciation for joyful moments. Think about it—without sadness, we might not fully understand or value what true joy feels like. They’re connected, and experiencing both helps us live a fuller, richer life.
How can life come from death?
This can be hard to grasp, but death often makes way for new beginnings. Just like in nature, where a tree’s leaves fall to the ground and nourish new growth, in life, endings or “deaths” lead to fresh starts. It’s a reminder that even in loss, there can be growth and renewal.
Why is failure important for success?
Failure isn’t the end—it’s part of the journey toward success. It teaches us resilience and helps us grow stronger. Without those tough moments of uncertainty or defeat, success would feel shallow. The lessons we learn from failure are what make success so much sweeter and meaningful.
What does it mean that “the quest for the positive is through the negative”?
It means that to truly experience happiness, fulfillment, or success, we first have to face and overcome challenges. Just like how fairy-tale heroes encounter danger before reaching their goals, we have to go through hard times to truly appreciate the good ones.
Why do marginalized groups often show the most love and support?
People who have faced rejection, discrimination, or hardship often develop a deep sense of empathy. They understand what it feels like to be on the outside, which makes them more compassionate and supportive of others. It’s like they’ve been through the fire and come out stronger, with more love to give.
What’s the “dualistic mind” and how does it affect how we see the world?
The dualistic mind tends to see everything as either good or bad, right or wrong, black or white. This way of thinking limits our ability to appreciate the complexity of life. By shifting our perspective to see how opposites are connected—like how failure leads to success—we can live with more balance and acceptance.
How can grief, sorrow, and anxiety actually help us?
While these emotions are painful, they often lead to growth and healing. Grief helps us recognize the depth of our love, sorrow makes joy even brighter, and anxiety can push us to hope for better days or take important steps forward. These feelings aren’t just obstacles; they help us move forward.
What does it mean to “sit with opposites,” and why should we do it?
Sitting with opposites means embracing contradictions rather than trying to resolve them too quickly. When we pause to understand both sides—like joy and sorrow or success and failure—we gain deeper insights. It’s a way to appreciate life’s complexity and grow more comfortable with uncertainty.
How does embracing the unknown make life more exciting?
When we stop fearing the unknown and start embracing it, life becomes more adventurous. The mystery of not knowing what’s next can bring excitement and open doors to new possibilities. Instead of stressing about what we don’t know, we can lean into the journey and discover new things along the way.
What is nondualism, and how can it change how we see “negativity”?
Nondualism is the idea that everything is connected, and there’s no absolute “good” or “bad.” From this perspective, even negative experiences have value and purpose. Once we stop labeling things as strictly negative, we can start to see how challenges and hardships help us grow, making them essential parts of our lives.