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Falling in Love with Your Emotional Triggers
At the start of the year, I’ve been on a bit of a mission to learn about the things that give me a negative emotional reaction. We all have these uncomfortable emotions of anger or sadness, but our inclination is to avoid them. We lock them up in a vault to later be exposed by another triggering event. There’s a lot of knowledge to be gained by these triggers though. They tell us about the aspects of life that we find frustrating or unsatisfactory. These tells are, of course, unique to an individual’s experience.
The Shame that Envelopes the Trigger
The problem with triggers is not that we are angry or sad. It’s associated with the shame that comes with having these emotions. The shame is what keeps us bottling our emotions and not really working through the events that trigger us. We feel this shame because we live in a culture that doesn’t allow us to express emotion, yet emotion is as natural as the water we drink. Yet, when we are furious or tears fall down our faces, we are not meeting the “rational” expectation of other people. The antidote for me is to remove the shame and try to figure out what about this event has me in such a vulnerable position.
It’s the Falling in Love
The idea is to fall in love with our triggers. By love, I mean the definition of understanding. We have to know our triggers intimately rather than avoiding them altogether. The reason being is that there are going to be situations in which we have no control over. Sure, there are things we can avoid, but for the most part, life is unavoidable. I would venture to say that avoidance is probably the worst solution. We do, however, have control over how we react. If we dismiss our reactions to what disturbs us, we’ll never recognize what our reactions are and respond accordingly.
Acknowledging and understanding our triggers can help us better have compassion around the situation. We dismiss the situation as a whole because we know where our discomfort comes from. We feel shame because the event isn’t how it should be, but in truth, we don’t know come to grips with its alternatives. If we see things as only positive, and something negative happens, we can only see the event through the lens of our expectations.
Traffic can be triggering to someone who was expecting a smooth commute, but traffic means nothing to a person who lives in a metropolitan city like Los Angeles. Traffic for these commuters is just a way of life, thus there’s no reason to be mad at it. The event is only triggering because we don’t have any other option. When we begin to understand the other side of the coin and start to accept the unexpected, we start to have a choice in the way we’d like to respond rather than reacting unconsciously.
Questions and Responses
What are emotional triggers, and why do they happen?
Emotional triggers are reactions to specific situations, events, or people that provoke strong emotional responses like anger, sadness, or frustration. These triggers often stem from unresolved feelings or experiences in our past. They occur when something in the present reminds us, consciously or unconsciously, of those past events, which can make us feel vulnerable.
Why do we feel shame around our emotional triggers?
Shame around emotional triggers is often a result of societal norms that discourage the expression of emotions. In many cultures, showing strong emotions like anger or sadness is seen as irrational or weak. This pressure causes people to bottle up their feelings instead of addressing them, leading to shame and guilt when those emotions surface.
How can we learn from our emotional triggers?
Triggers provide valuable insight into our emotional landscape and the areas of life that we find difficult or unsatisfactory. By acknowledging and understanding them, we can uncover deeper layers of unresolved issues, allowing us to better navigate situations that provoke strong reactions. Instead of avoiding discomfort, we can learn to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
What does it mean to “fall in love with our triggers”?
“Falling in love” with our triggers means approaching them with curiosity and understanding rather than avoidance or shame. It’s about becoming intimately familiar with what causes our emotional reactions and working to understand the root cause. By doing so, we gain more control over our emotions and can respond to challenging situations with compassion and awareness.
Why is avoiding emotional triggers harmful?
Avoiding emotional triggers may seem like a quick fix, but it can lead to unresolved emotions piling up, waiting to resurface in the future. Avoidance prevents us from understanding the source of our discomfort and denies us the opportunity to grow from these experiences. Confronting and exploring our triggers helps us reduce their power over time.
How can we control our reactions to triggers?
Controlling our reactions starts with awareness and understanding. Once we recognize what triggers us, we can pause, reflect on the emotions we’re experiencing, and choose a more thoughtful response. Instead of reacting impulsively, we can practice mindfulness and compassion, which helps us break the cycle of unconscious reactions and regain emotional balance.