If you have been following my blog, I think you can easily discern my disdain for hierarchical systems.
Due to these structures, we slowly kill ourselves as we conform to a dominant power. It undermines our autonomy, our creativity, and our sense of self.
It’s no surprise that the way we work is a primary cause of this slow death. With my experience, I’ve started to realize why.
I’m reading a wonderful book that I believe everyone should read at least once. It’s called The Chalice and the Blade: Our History, Our Future. It’s a short read, but pretty powerful.
In the book, Riane Eisler eloquently distinguishes between cultures built in partnership and those built on domination. From our historical perspective, we have known only civilizations based on domination because we are taught only about power, conquest, and violence.
We are tested on the War of 1812, but never on times of peace.
As a result, all of our systems, from school to work to the family, are built on the masculine ideal of power.
Every relationship we participate in holds some form of power dynamic. Eisler goes further back in time to unearth a more feminine civilization that features egalitarianism.
Domination
As we always do at this time, let us define the difference between a domination culture and a partnership culture.
The domination culture assumes that power is needed for civilization to function. There must be a leader, and there must be followers.
It begins in the family, where parents assume leadership over the child and expect them to be an unquestioning loyalist. Every relationship also has dominant/submissive roles: older and younger siblings, teacher and student, manager and subordinate, and group leader and person trying to fit in.
With these dynamics, few people gain or lose power based on subjective criteria such as merit and seniority. In contrast, others are expected to submit to either their rulers or societal norms. New leaders emerge from a weariness with subjugation; the violence of revolution ensues, and the revolutionary becomes the new oppressor.
The cycle continues.
If you think I am being overzealous, consider the 1970s hippie rebel who has a mortgage to pay today, or the coordinator who consistently complains that leadership wants to be promoted into the same system he complains about.
In this world, we are consistently divided between people who are like us and those who are not. Someone must be right, and someone else is wrong. There’s good and evil, with each side believing it is on the side of good. The struggle between the two persists, as both sides regard each other as enemies.
Power is a scarce resource.
Partnership
In contrast, a culture of partnership is characterized by mutual respect and dignity. There is no need for hierarchy or leadership, as everyone involved works for the well-being of all. There is no need for laws, as everyone cares for one another and prioritizes safety.
Any type of control or force is a form of violence because control kills the spirit.
It’s no wonder that we suffer in our institutions. In our society, this idea is essentially nonexistent because we don’t have any examples of this type of culture succeeding. We don’t even think this type of society can exist, let alone has existed in our distant past.
It’s somewhat surprising (or maybe it’s not) that the description of a partnership culture is so short. We know only a culture of discipline, materialism, and hierarchy. Everywhere we turn in the modern world, this holds.
As a consequence of unconsciously conforming to this type of domination, we experience judgment from peers and those whom we perceive as higher-ranking, inequality, shame and guilt, discrimination, marginalization, and fear of alienation and punishment if we, at some point, decide to opt out of the matrix.
People might say that this is human nature, but I’m of the mindset that masculinity is a learned behavior. Rules, regulations, and hierarchy have to be learned.
A baby, regardless of sexual orientation, comes out crying, but it’s up to the parent to teach the boy that it’s unacceptable. It’s up to the parent to teach the child the rules of society.
If our customs and norms were human nature, there wouldn’t be a need for anyone to teach “right from wrong.” We wouldn’t need the government to enforce human nature.
In the book, Eisler traces the historical record to reveal that partnership was the norm. We would never know, as history is written by the victor. In partnership, there is no winner because there is no competition.
History and Myth
To avoid giving away the full book, Eisler argues that there were 30,000 years during which men and women lived and worked in harmony, marked by a more feminine orientation toward God. This might offend religious people today.
However, if myth serves as a metaphor for our history, then Eisler’s argument seems plausible. Religion during our history has been inherently patriarchal. The dominant religions of our day (Judaism and Christianity) teach that women’s subjugation to men was a curse made as a consequence of the first man and woman’s disobedience.
The curse transformed the idea of God as a being in partnership with humans, as present with Adam and Eve, into a ruling old man in the sky sitting on a throne.
It comes as such hypocrisy when it comes to Christianity that if we are truly free from this mistake (the ideology of Jesus Christ as savior), why do we still perpetuate the consequences, especially in the Western world, where Christianity tends to be the dominant religion?
It seems the idea of partnership was as brief as the number of words used to refer to it in the Bible. It’s no wonder that we’ve forgotten about it. It seems like people use these verses as an excuse to dominate.
As we know, most (if not all) conquerors have been men. The idea of Manifest Destiny, for example, held that it was God’s will for America to conquer the entire continent of North America from east to west.
Guess what that led to? If your answer was disharmony in the forms of wars and genocide, you’d be correct.
Referencing a monarch instead of the Being walking with man and woman in a garden of perfection is preferable to the one who wants to dominate. Is it a surprise that the things Jesus taught are inherently feminine values of compassion, gentleness, meekness, and love?
Where Do We Go From Here?
We know that the culture of domination permeates all of our systems and institutions. These are the systems that revolutionaries rally to break. As we’ve seen throughout history, only new forms of oppression pop up in its place. The only thing we can do is be intentional about creating relationships in which partnership is the intention.
I wish I could say that things could change, but people will still try to control, manipulate, and shame you into doing things that benefit them at your expense. The programming is deeply ingrained, and only awareness can unravel it.
We must adopt another way of living. We must provide examples that prove that mutual respect and dignity are possible lifestyles.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t appreciate it when someone tells me or forces me to do something. I’m much like a teenager trying to understand what kind of authority one has over me, and rebelling because I care not for it.
At the same time, I love giving gifts.
Gifts are freely given from the heart. When gifts are expected, they cease to be gifts.
This is probably why I deeply loathe the idea of work. I’m expected to do things, whereas I’d love to give my experience and knowledge as gifts. If I don’t feel like I’m working with a colleague in partnership, I feel oppressed. Can you relate?
Questions and Responses
Hierarchical systems often feel oppressive because they are built on domination, where power is concentrated at the top, and those below are expected to follow without question. This power dynamic stifles autonomy, creativity, and individuality. It fosters environments of control, subjugation, and competition, leading to feelings of oppression and disempowerment.
Dominant culture is based on power dynamics, with a clear hierarchy and authority exercised through control and subjugation. In contrast, partnership culture values mutual respect, collaboration, and equality. It rejects the need for leaders and followers, emphasizing cooperation and shared well-being over power struggles.
A partnership-based society can exist, though it’s rare in modern times due to the dominance of hierarchical systems. History suggests that egalitarian societies have existed, as noted by Riane Eisler in The Chalice and the Blade. Such societies are built on shared respect, dignity, and cooperation without the need for force or control, proving that partnership cultures are not just theoretical.
Many believe hierarchical systems are human nature because they have been ingrained in society for centuries through education, religion, and government structures. However, hierarchy and domination are learned behaviors, not inherent. From childhood, we are taught rules, regulations, and societal norms that reinforce power dynamics. Without this conditioning, partnership-based interactions may be more natural.
In a domination culture, power is seen as scarce, leading to competition and division. People are pitted against one another, creating a “winner vs. loser” mindset. This divide fosters a perpetual struggle in which one side seeks control while the other resists, fueling ongoing conflict and preventing mutual understanding or collaboration.
History and religion have both played significant roles in promoting hierarchical systems. Dominant historical narratives often focus on power, conquest, and violence, while religions, particularly patriarchal ones, emphasize male dominance and subjugation of women. These narratives shape societal structures, reinforcing the idea that power and hierarchy are essential to civilization, even though alternative partnership-based systems have existed in the past.
Shifting from domination to partnership begins with self-awareness and intentionality in relationships. Rather than seeking to control or compete, focus on mutual respect and collaboration. Be mindful of power dynamics and strive to create environments where everyone’s voice is valued. This shift can start small, within personal and professional interactions, and expand as more people adopt partnership values.
Revolutions often fail to dismantle oppressive systems because they replace one form of domination with another. While the leaders of a revolution may have good intentions, the focus on overthrowing power usually leads to the creation of new hierarchical structures, perpetuating the same cycle of oppression. True change requires a shift in mindset from domination to partnership, not just a change in leadership.
Masculine energy in dominance cultures is often associated with control, conquest, and competition, while feminine energy in partnership cultures is associated with nurturing, cooperation, and equality. Both energies exist within all people, but hierarchical systems typically prioritize masculine traits. Shifting to a partnership culture involves balancing these energies, embracing both collaboration and strength without resorting to dominance.
Promoting partnership cultures in modern institutions requires rethinking leadership, decision-making, and power distribution. Encourage collaboration, open dialogue, and shared responsibility. Flatten hierarchies where possible to ensure that everyone’s input is valued. Focus on building environments of trust, respect, and equality rather than control, competition, or fear.