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Changing Meaningless Opinions into Loving Thoughts
Sometimes our words don’t mean anything. There have been plenty of times when we may have heard kind words, but we didn’t believe them. It’s easy for a person to say something, and think something totally different. It’s probably the case that we hold more negative thoughts than negative words. How crazy is it to know that you might have more good deeds than you have good thoughts? We have to remember that if the words we say and the actions we do are our effects, then the thoughts we have are the cause. All we have to do is be mindful of what we think.
This is the hardest part of my growth because of my inclination to judge. To have loving thoughts is to have nonjudgmental observations of the story of our lives. How do you tell this to a person who is supposed to analyze marketing for 8 hours a day? Nonjudgmental observation requires radical acceptance of what is instead of judging things as good or bad. Why? Because the subjectivity of good and bad doesn’t exist. Releasing judgment is just so hard. Even when I know that my judgment does me no good, I feel a sense of empowerment when I separate myself from what I believe is harming me. This is the trick of the ego and requires warfare to break down these walls.
Amid this false empowerment, I’ve also come to learn that my unnecessary judgments create suffering for me. It was essentially the catalyst for this entire book when I really think about it. I have my own ideas and opinions. My value system is still in place. I have to realize that everyone isn’t going to think the same way. A difference in opinion doesn’t mean that I am right, and they are wrong. Not everyone is going to hold my well-being in high regard. My job is to accept what is and not dwell on the perceived injustice. It’s the only way that I can free myself from the negative self-talk.
Changing the Perception
The first step in changing a mind of judgment to a mind of love is first being aware of my judgments. It’s a battle inside my mind, no one’s safe from. My brain starts off with me making a judgment. When I am aware that I’ve made a subjective premise, I try to tell myself what I objectively experienced. I try to observe without the cloud of my opinion. When I make that change, my ego wants to fight back by justifying that I should be making the judgment because it’s not fair, or the person did really hurt me. This goes on for about 10 minutes until I’m just too tired to think about it, or something else happens. What I need to do is replace these thoughts of judgment with compassion. I need to overlay my opinions with thoughts of love. Loving thoughts that prioritize my own well-being. I don’t want my brain to be a constant battlefield. I also don’t want to judge other people and situations on meaningless standards. Just about all my opinions on anything have no bearing on life even if my ego wants to convince me otherwise.
Questions and Responses
Why do our words sometimes feel meaningless?
Our words can feel empty when they don’t align with our true thoughts or intentions. We may say something kind, but if we’re secretly harboring negative thoughts, those words might not resonate with us—or others—on a deeper level. Thoughts are the cause, and words and actions are the effect. So, if our thoughts aren’t rooted in genuine love or positivity, our words might feel insincere, even when we don’t intend them to.
How does judgment affect our thoughts and well-being?
Judgment plays a huge role in how we think and feel about ourselves and others. When we judge, we create separation and negativity, which ultimately brings more suffering—both for ourselves and those we judge. Even when we think judgment makes us feel empowered or “right,” it actually reinforces negativity in our minds, making it harder to find peace and compassion. Letting go of judgment allows us to live with more love and acceptance, which improves our mental and emotional well-being.
Why is it so hard to stop judging others and situations?
Judging is often automatic because our minds are wired to make quick evaluations of people and situations. It gives us a sense of control or safety. But letting go of judgment requires radical acceptance—seeing things as they are without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” This is difficult because we’ve been conditioned to think in terms of right and wrong. Releasing judgment requires mindfulness and practice, and it can feel uncomfortable at first because our ego wants to justify why we should judge.
How can I become more aware of my judgments?
The first step is mindfulness—paying attention to your thoughts as they arise. When you notice yourself judging someone or a situation, pause and reflect. Ask yourself, “Am I seeing this objectively, or am I adding my own opinions or biases?” From there, try to shift your perspective. Instead of judging, observe the situation with compassion and openness. This awareness will help you catch judgments before they spiral into negative thoughts, allowing you to replace them with more loving and accepting ones.
What role does the ego play in judgment?
The ego loves to judge because it thrives on separation. When we judge, we reinforce the idea that we’re different or better than someone else, which makes the ego feel empowered. But this is a false sense of empowerment. In reality, judgment fuels negative self-talk and creates inner conflict. The ego convinces us that judging keeps us safe, but it actually leads to more suffering by keeping us in a constant state of comparison and dissatisfaction.
How do I shift from a mind of judgment to a mind of love?
It starts with awareness and compassion. When you catch yourself judging, take a moment to step back and observe the situation without your opinion clouding the experience. Remind yourself that people have different perspectives and that their actions aren’t always about you. Then, consciously replace those judgments with thoughts of compassion and love—both for yourself and others. This doesn’t mean ignoring hurt or injustice, but approaching it from a place of understanding rather than resentment.
Why is self-compassion important in overcoming judgment?
Self-compassion is key because judgment often starts with ourselves. When we’re overly critical of our own flaws or mistakes, that mindset spills over into how we judge others. By practicing self-compassion, you create a more loving and forgiving relationship with yourself, which makes it easier to extend that same love to others. When we stop judging ourselves so harshly, we stop feeling the need to judge others to feel better or more in control.
Can changing how I think really impact my daily life?
Absolutely! Changing your thought patterns from judgment to love can have a profound impact on your mental and emotional well-being. When you let go of unnecessary judgments, you free yourself from negativity, stress, and inner conflict. You’ll also notice that your relationships improve because you’re no longer filtering interactions through a lens of criticism. Instead, you approach people and situations with more openness, understanding, and compassion.