When I started this blog, I listened to Nina Simone’s “Please Don’t Let Me Be Understood.” I feel the pain in her lyrics. Being misunderstood comes with pain. Depending on the relationship, it brings awkwardness and frustration. The deeper the relationship, the weirder it gets. It could bring a sense of anxiety to my head and my stomach because I’m afraid to talk to someone who may love me but doesn’t get me. But I’m just a soul who’s intentions are good.

Many of my misunderstandings result from my impractical expectations of people. It’s almost ridiculous to expect people to do things I don’t intend to do myself. I get indignant when someone lies to me but dismisses my lies as inconsequential. Managers demand a high standard of work from their direct reports, but their own rarely meet it. How can I ask for respect in such a rude manner?

Yes, It’s Still Hard to Be Different

I’ve talked too many times about living in a culture where I judge people’s identities on one occurrence. I’m still trying to learn myself, yet it’s easy for someone to know exactly who I am when talking to me once. It’s like they know me better than they know themselves. No one’s perfect. No one is going to do the right thing all the time. They feel inadequate because these people don’t meet my biased vision of what they should be.

The most toxic version of connectivity is tribalism. I am a social creature looking to connect. I find people with whom I can see myself having a good time. However, if the parties have a strong disagreement at one point, one can easily label the other person as difficult if they are not allowed to have different opinions.

The Negative Effects of Expectation

Look at it from the perspective of the person being hurt by the judgment. A person with low self-esteem wonders why they are different from others. It becomes an existential crisis of identity when someone of higher influence, like a parent, peer, or boss, tells them that they are not conforming to the ideas of the person’s expectations. “Perception is reality” is such a toxic statement because it makes me believe that I cannot create who I am or who I want to be without the perceptions of others. It makes it feel like the judgments of others are absolute truth while confusing my ideas for myself. I then lose myself because it’s just easier to fit in. No one wants to be reflected in a negative light.

Shine My Light

The best way to prevent people from dimming my light because they don’t understand me is to know myself. I was made to shine my light even with a different hue. There’s nothing wrong with that. Remember that everything is a balance. Just because someone demeans my being doesn’t mean I must be equally disrespectful. I must be firm in loving myself while allowing others to express themselves. It’s easier to write this than to put it into practice. When it comes to being misunderstood, I’m the introverted type who stays quiet. I have the right to respond, but I am not obligated to. No response is a response in and of itself.

Being myself shows my uniqueness and only means traveling a path that’s never been walked. I hope I am at my job and challenging the status quo. I hope to find someone to love me for me, not their idea. As a society, I look as cookie-cutter as houses in a suburb. Very few decide to stand out; when they do, it comes with pain. I endure because I know being myself is worth the effort. I don’t want to compare internal feelings to the very real pain of childbirth, but women endure the pain because they know they are creating. That creation is a blessing. So, I endure the pain because I know I am creating a blessing myself.

What Being Misunderstood Means

Being misunderstood is rooted in judgment. Regardless of what I do, I get judged, so why not be who I know to be? It’s easier to be judged when I know wholeheartedly that the person judging me rarely has a clear definition of themselves. This is why I shouldn’t judge anyone but do it anyway.

With that said, I know that I am living in a broken world filled with broken people. I can give compassion to judgmental people by just knowing this fact. The people who intend to hurt me are also hurting. People tend to project negatively onto me because they reflect negatively on themselves. There doesn’t come much satisfaction in trying to jab back. Instead, I show compassion if I have a heart big enough to do so. It’s not something that will come instantly. It’ll take practice to turn the other cheek. If I find myself amongst the judgmental crowd, I love myself. That love will sprinkle onto others as I remove the unrealistic expectations I place on anyone who enters my path. I should know that I am as equally flawed.

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