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What Are You Trying to Avoid?
Sometimes I think we hate our lives. We do whatever we can to avoid it whether that be TV (I’m guilty), video games, booze, drugs, and whatever that distracts us from our emotions and how we experience life. This is what we consciously call escapism. This article is inspired by watching I Saw the TV Glow last night. Definitely recommend it if you like weird movies with a great moral.
Another word for escapism is avoidance. This type of avoidance leads to addiction if we are not careful. It doesn’t matter if you’re addicted to drugs, emotional eating, or addicted to your work. We use these activities to escape from what we truly need to experience. My form of escapism was leaving jobs I felt didn’t treat me fairly, only to be placed in what I perceived was the same situation.
There are plenty of examples of escapism. One can see relationships as a form of escapism. We are afraid to be alone, and so we escape from ourselves. Introverts avoid places where they have to be expressive. We dive into our work even if we don’t like it because we are afraid of the idea of poverty. Some people avoid physical labor to avoid the pain and soreness that comes with it. The problem with all this avoidance is that pain is inevitable even if we try to hide from it.
This isn’t an article demonizing why we try to escape. I think we have to give grace to the things we go through. We could be going through things that bring us unwanted negativity. We find solace in shooting folks in Call of Duty because we can’t do it in real life because… you know… morality. However, many of the things we hide from are the things we create.
It’s no wonder that most therapy is about confronting the things we don’t want to confront. People indeed need another person to help confront the things that they try to avoid. The more further folks run away, the deeper the therapist, or the person trying to help has to go. We try to remove things we don’t like from our conscious without realizing that the best thing for our well-being is to unpack them. You can say that we like going on trips without opening up our suitcases.
Our biggest enemy in this regard is the resistance we feel when we try to sit with our negative emotions. In our fast-paced world filled with work and entertainment, it’s easy to not sit with ourselves. We can easily say that we don’t have the time. If that’s not the case, we find reasons to avoid having important conversations about what is ailing us. To the point where when someone points out a flaw, we become offended. We go to great lengths to avoid ourselves.
My way to combat escapism is what some may call meditation. I kind of feel meditation is a place where we try to escape from our thoughts, but for me is to listen to what I’m thinking. Whenever my emotions are getting the best of me, I sit with my eyes closed and run through what I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. By sitting alone, I’m forced to deal with my thoughts and emotions even though it’s painful to do. I do it because this pain, much like working out, is going to help me become stronger.
Avoiding the problem will only prolong it. You can do whatever you think you need to escape it and it will be right there waiting for you. Drowning out the pain with whatever substance can give you temporary relief, but it merely masks the symptoms. The sickness is still there.
Escapism is a defense mechanism, but we have to ask ourselves, “Who are we defending?” Sitting with your pain requires courage. We’ve spent a lifetime escaping from our problems, so sitting down and solving them now isn’t going to come naturally. This is why we call meditation and tools like this a practice. The more reps we get in, the easier it becomes.
Questions and Responses
What is escapism, and why do we engage in it?
Escapism refers to the act of avoiding reality or our emotions through various distractions, such as TV, video games, work, substance use, or even relationships. We engage in escapism to avoid discomfort, negative emotions, or situations we find unpleasant. It acts as a defense mechanism, providing temporary relief from the stressors in our lives.
Can escapism be harmful, and how does it relate to addiction?
Yes, escapism can become harmful when it leads to addiction. When we continuously use activities to avoid confronting our problems or emotions, it creates a pattern of dependence. This can happen with substances, food, work, or any behavior that distracts us from addressing our underlying issues. Over time, this avoidance can exacerbate the problems we are trying to escape from, creating a cycle that’s hard to break.
How does avoidance play a role in our lives beyond obvious forms of escapism like substance abuse?
Avoidance can manifest in many ways beyond substance abuse. For example, staying in unfulfilling relationships out of fear of loneliness, overworking to avoid dealing with personal issues, or isolating ourselves to avoid social anxiety. Even avoiding physical pain or discomfort can be a form of escapism. The key problem is that this avoidance can prevent us from confronting and processing our emotions, ultimately prolonging the pain.
Why is it so difficult for people to confront their negative emotions?
Confronting negative emotions is difficult because it requires vulnerability and the courage to face discomfort head-on. In our fast-paced, distraction-filled world, it’s easy to avoid introspection. Sitting with our pain can feel overwhelming, and there is often a natural resistance to experiencing those uncomfortable emotions. We fear confrontation because it forces us to deal with thoughts and feelings we have suppressed or ignored.
How does meditation help in combating escapism?
Meditation can be an effective tool to combat escapism by encouraging mindfulness and self-awareness. Unlike traditional forms of escapism, meditation involves sitting with one’s thoughts and emotions rather than running from them. By focusing inward, we can begin to understand our inner conflicts, identify the root of our negative emotions, and develop the mental strength to address them. It’s like a mental workout that gradually makes facing our thoughts and feelings easier.
Is it normal to feel resistance when trying to confront our problems?
Absolutely, it’s normal to feel resistance. Our natural instinct is to avoid pain, so when we attempt to sit with our negative emotions or confront difficult situations, our mind often puts up a barrier. This resistance is part of why avoidance feels easier. However, overcoming this resistance is key to personal growth. The more we practice confronting our emotions, the less daunting it becomes over time.
Are there positive forms of escapism, or is all escapism harmful?
Not all escapism is inherently harmful. Engaging in activities like reading, exercise, or creative hobbies can provide a healthy break from stress and offer a way to recharge. The issue arises when escapism is used consistently as a way to avoid dealing with important emotions or life problems. The key is balance—enjoying activities for pleasure without using them to bury underlying issues.
How can one start the process of confronting their pain and breaking free from escapism?
The first step is to acknowledge the feelings or situations you’ve been avoiding. Begin by setting aside time for self-reflection, possibly through meditation, journaling, or speaking with a therapist. When you notice yourself seeking out escapism, ask yourself what you are avoiding and why. Gradually, you’ll become more aware of your patterns of avoidance and be better equipped to confront them.
Why do some people need another person, like a therapist, to help them confront their problems?
Sometimes, the avoidance behaviors we develop are so ingrained that it’s difficult to address them alone. A therapist provides an external perspective, helping to guide individuals through their emotions and thoughts in a structured way. They can offer techniques and tools for confronting deep-rooted issues, providing support and accountability throughout the process of self-exploration.
What are the benefits of confronting rather than avoiding our emotions?
Confronting our emotions can lead to personal growth, emotional resilience, and a better understanding of ourselves. By facing our pain and working through it, we can break free from negative patterns of escapism and gain a sense of inner peace. This self-awareness empowers us to make healthier decisions and find constructive ways to cope with life’s challenges.
How does avoidance affect our relationships with others?
Avoidance can create a barrier in our relationships, as it often prevents honest communication and vulnerability. For example, avoiding difficult conversations or conflicts can lead to misunderstandings and emotional distance. Additionally, using relationships as a form of escapism may result in an unhealthy dependency on others to fill our emotional voids. Confronting our inner struggles can help foster healthier, more authentic connections.
Can escapism ever lead to positive changes in one’s life?
In some cases, escapism can serve as a catalyst for change. When individuals recognize that they are using escapism to avoid their problems, it can be a wake-up call to make necessary changes. The realization that avoidance isn’t solving their issues might push them to seek healthier coping mechanisms, like therapy, mindfulness practices, or personal development.
How does society contribute to our tendency to escape from reality?
Society often glorifies busyness, success, and constant entertainment, making it easy to avoid self-reflection. The emphasis on external achievements can lead to feelings of inadequacy or failure, which people then try to escape from through various distractions. Our culture of instant gratification also makes it more tempting to seek quick fixes for discomfort rather than sitting with and processing our emotions.
What role does self-compassion play in overcoming escapism?
Self-compassion is crucial in overcoming escapism. Being kind to ourselves when we confront painful emotions allows us to accept our struggles without judgment. By practicing self-compassion, we create a safe internal space to explore our feelings and recognize that it’s okay to have difficult emotions. This acceptance can help reduce the resistance we feel toward confronting our inner challenges.
How can one maintain a balance between healthy escapism and confronting life’s problems?
To maintain a balance, it’s essential to use activities for relaxation and enjoyment without letting them become a means of avoidance. Set aside regular time for self-reflection, whether through meditation, journaling, or therapy. Use escapist activities mindfully, ensuring they don’t interfere with addressing your emotions or personal issues. By consciously managing how you spend your time, you can enjoy leisure while also working towards emotional growth.