I’ve been thinking about casual sex a lot lately. It’s not that I haven’t had sex with women that I didn’t have much of an emotional connection with. I’ve actually never seen sex as a hobby. I thought the right juices needed to be flowing in order to have sex. There were plenty of times where I could have had sex. I’ve been alone in my apartment with a girl plenty of times. It just didn’t feel like the mood was right, so she’d usually spend the time with me and then go home.
In my path to be my more authentic self, I’ve come to terms that I have sexual desires that may not always have a relationship attached to it. A part of not embracing sex as just something I like to do is due to the shame that sex carries from our society. I’ve never been comfortable being open about my sexuality to anyone. I’m thinking that should change.
What is Casual Sex to You?
The definition of casual sex we will go with for the sake of this blog posts is basically hooking up with people that you meet. I think sex has it’s own set of definitions dependent on the person. Society tells us that sex is penetration only. I’ve come to realize that sex can be finding pleasure with any body part. I do believe that we should expand its definition. As much as genitals are fun, there’s other places on the body that can equally be fun as well.
I’ve always had a hard time talking about sex. It’s mostly do to the unexpected reaction I’d get from the other person. If I start a conversation about sex, or even give an innuendo, I’m afraid that girl would treat me like Lauryn Hill. As if all I had was one thing on my mind. I honestly feel like if we can’t talk about sex, then it’s more than likely that we are not having sex unless we are in a more intimate relationship. If you can’t be casual about sex in conversation, it’s more than likely that you are not into casual sex.
What if we treated casual sex like a casual work environment. If you feel like wearing a suit and a tie, that’s all you, but if I want to show up in a jeans and t-shirt I shouldn’t feel ashamed about it. I should always do what makes me comfortable, without worrying about what others think. I recently went to a convention in Las Vegas. It was blazing hot and while most people were wearing business skirts and blazers, I came strolling in with my baseball cap and shorts. If I’m confident enough to not worry about being judged in that setting, there really shouldn’t be a difference when it comes to sex. I’m allowed to be comfortable.
The Fear Around Sex
Sex has always come with fear. Fear that I don’t want to be a part of anymore. I’m not even talking about the vulnerability of showing your naked body to another person. I’m talking about teachers telling us that if we have sex we’ll get pregnant or contract an STI. Best thing we can possibly do for ourselves is abstain. Women, in particular, are taught shame around sex while men are praised for the very same act. Sometimes we feel like we need to have sex just to be worthy of partnership. Nothing we do should ever feel forced. Even though I’m trying to be more comfortable with sex, I can’t leave out those who are asexual. There shouldn’t be fear around not wanting sex either.
Do What You Want
As I grow as person, this is becoming the motto. There is no one size fits all when it comes to anything. When I say do what you want, that’s what YOU want, not what you think you should want. It’s crazy that one of the hardest things to do is be true to ourselves. We lie to ourselves every day. We should know what we want and dismiss the things and people that tell use we aren’t deserving of what we want.
When it comes to sex, I’m going to talk about it more. It’s going to be more integrated within my life. There’s no reason why I should be ashamed of something that I desire. It’s no longer going to be locked in a closet. It’s kind of weird as a straight person to say that I’m coming out, but even straight people haven’t come to grips with their own sexuality.